Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 20.pdf/557

 430

THE GREEN BAG

Something of a Lawyer. — " Well, yes," replied the landlord of the tavern at Polkville, Ark., " when an attorney, appearing for a bloated railroad corporation in the face of a jury composed exclusively of middle-aged farmers, can prove, in a case wherein a widow lady —- and a pretty blamed middlin' goodlooking widow lady, at that — sues for the value of a calf that was run over and killed by the train, right dab in the middle of the town at high noon, with half the population behold ing the slaughter; that the calf did not stop, look and listen, as warned by the sign at the crossing; that the engine did not hit the animal at all, except nominally; that the calf really died, if at all, of some obscure Latin calfdisease or other; that the company, by its faithful servant, the engineer, did an act of pure philanthrophy in killing the calf, as, instead of being a valuable possession in the hands of the widow, as alleged, it was really an incubus, in that it was engaged in eating its fair mistress out of house and _home; and, lastly, that the fair plaintiff, herself, despite her tears, had once been a lady book agent — when he can achieve all that and win the case, as the colonel shorely did, no longer than a . week before last, I sh'u'd presume to say that he is pretty considerable of a lawyer! " — Puck. Familiar. — "It was this way Judgic," said a culprit before a New York magistrate. Whereupon the magistrate laughed, and exclaimed: " Well, if that doesn't remind me of home: That's what may wife calls me." And the fine was only $i. Still, it is not a safe precedent. Over Oath and Under. — J. Thomas Heflin, a distinguished member of the Alabama delegation in Congress, maintains that his State is the most chivalrous in the coun try. "Nowhere," he recently remarked, "is this more to be observed than in those least chivalrous of places, the courts of law. Not long ago one of our best-known judges, famed for his severity and his uncomprom ising loyalty to the traditions of proced ure, had to try a case in which one of the witnesses happened to be an actress of no small popularity in the South. It chanced that the nature of her evidence was such that

the usual question about her age was not likely to be omitted, so when she came to the stand his honor told the court-clerk to suspend action for a moment; then, turning to the actress, he demanded : "' Madam, how old are you? ' "' Twenty-six,' replied the witness, who is thirty-six if she is a day. "' Very well,' said the Judge, politely. ' I asked you that question because, if I hadn't it would surely have been asked you when the attorney for the defense cross-examined you. And, now that you have told us your age, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'" — Saturday Evening Post. Sentence Suspended. — "You are charged with having registered illegally." "Well, your Honor," responded the prisoner, "perhaps I did, but they were trying so hard to beat you that I just got desperate." — Philadelphia Ledger. Competent. —• Congressman O'Connell (cross: examining plaintiff an aged man whose mental capacity is the question in the case). " Have you voted?" Plaintiff. — "Sure, I have,— for forty years." Mr. O'Conncll.— " Did you vote at the last election?" Plaintiff.— "I did that, and I voted for you." Plaintiff's counsel.— " Your Honor, I ask to have that last stricken out as irresponsive." Mr. O'Connell. — " Your Honor, I insist that it remain in. It shows the intelligence of the witness." Where They were Best. — In the course of a recent case before Mr. Justice Darling the Judge declined to make a requested ruling, saying that if he did so the Court of Appeals would say he was wrong. Counsel having expressed disagreement with this v.'ew. the Judge said; " Well, you know the Court of Appeals as well as I do, perhaps better, for you see them at work, whi'e I only meet them at luncheon." To which the barrister dryly replied: " Your Lordship sees them at their best." — Law Notes.