Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 20.pdf/497

 THE GREEN BAG A Commissioner. — Most of the members of the Bar have heard of various kinds of " com missioners " for example, Commissioners of Corporations, Transit Commissioners, Police Commissioners, and, in Boston, the Finance Commissioners, but a witness in the Superior Court the other day extended the name to still another line of work. He gave his occupation as " Commissioner" and on direct examination it was left that way. On cross-examination, however, counsel was inquisitive and asked what his duties were, with the result that the witness proved to be a man who on hearing of an accident, saw the injured party and secured the case for some lawyer and received for his services a com mission on the amount recovered. Or as counsel unfeeling put it he was an " ambu lance chaser." Sober as the Judge. — Judge Boyd of the Irish bench kept a supply of his favorite "pizen " on the desk before him in an ink stand of peculiar make. When he wanted a sip he took it through a quill pen, while counsel professed entire ignorance of the little manoeuvre. "Tell the Court truly," he once said to a witness, " were you drunk or sober?" "Quite sober, my lord," replied the man. And his counsel added, with a look at the inkpot: "As sober as a judge." — Pall Mall Gazette. Conflicting Evidence. —• The venerable and learned Justice John|M. Harlan, during a game of golf at Chevy Chase, explained the intricacies of evidence to a young man. "Usually, in conflicting evidence," he said, "one statement is far more probable than the other, so that we can decide easily which to believe. £" It is like the boy and the house hunter. "A house hunter, getting off a train at a suburban station, said to a boy: "'My lad, I am looking for Mr. Smithson's

new block of semidetached cottages. How far are they from here? ' "'About twenty minutes' walk," the boy replied. "'Twenty minutes! ' exclaimed the house hunter. 'Nonsense! The advertisement says five.' "'Well,' said the boy, 'you can believe me or you can believe the advertisement; but I ain't tryin' to make no sale.' "—• Washington Star. The Lawyer and the Baker. — A Boston lawyer tells of the conversation between a legal light of that city, about to furnish a bill of costs, and his client, a baker. "I hope, sir," said the latter, " that you will make it as light as possible." "You might perhaps say that to the foreman of your establishment," suggested the attorney with a frigid smile; " but that is not the way I make my bread! " — Lippincott's. The Judge's Advantage. — " There is one advantage which a judge always has in his profession." "What is that?" "Whether he succeeds in a given case .or not, he can always try it." — Kansas City Independent. The Magnates in Jail. — " So you people put a couple of magnates in jail on heavy fines, did you? " asks the investigating reformer. "Yes," replies the native. " We fined them the limit; they wouldn't pay and we put them in cells." "That's a good example." "Is it? Within two days they organized the prisoners, guards and jailers into the International Penalty Company, issued five hundred million in bonds, paid the fines of all the prisoners, left us with a mortgage on the jail and the court-house — and stuck the surplus money in their pockets." — Chicago Evening Post.