Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 19.pdf/481

 THE GREEN BAG

THE

LIGHTER SIDE

A Student's Quiz. — Upon a written quiz on Real Estate and Conveyancing, the follow ing answers disclose that the law is not alto gether settled, at least in the minds of certain young men : Q. — Are gas fixtures removable? A. — No. How is the second tenant to see, if you pull the means of lighting out? Q. — Is a mortgage personalty or realty? A. — A mortgage is a personality. Q. — May an easement allowing the use of a right of way for carriages be extended by implication to include the right to drive live stock? .4 . — A carriage way cannot be used for driving live stock. Freight cars are the only means of transportation. Q. — In what three methods may a private way be created? A. —'By way of stream, road, and railway. The Lawyers' Revised Dictionary (By a Layman). — Client. The means of subsis tence. Also, the Mouse in the Trap. Counsel. An accomplice of a lawyer. Corporation. An artificial person created by law to prey upon the real things. Adverse Decision. An exhibition of the ignorance of the court to be explained to the client. Per Curiam. The method adopted by judges to evade individual responsibility for an uncertain decision or one they are ashamed of. Dictum. What a court thinks, but is afraid to decide. Appeal. A method of getting more money out of a client. Rules of Evidence. The means by which the truth is not allowed to be heard. Knowledge of how to utilize these to suppress facts is essential to success at the bar. Legislature. A body of men elected to make laws for a consideration — sometimes several, considerations. By a legal fiction they are supposed to represent the people. Statute. A law framed in general terms to

conceal the conferring of a special personal benefit. Also, the ninepins in a bowling alley to be bowled over b3r the lawyers. Constitutional and ■ Vested Rights. The last recourse of the robber. Also, the refuge for the Receiver of Stolen Goods. Also, the means by which the court knocks out the legislature. Justice. Something men ask for but would be sorry if they got every time. Also, a blind Goddess who being blind necessarily goes astray. Court. A place where what was confused before becomes more unsettled than ever. Also, a place where Law and Justice have a bout and Justice gets worsted. Lawyer. An officer of the court who watches to see that Justice does not peek out from under her bandage. Being an officer of the court it is his duty to bamboozle it. Judge. A vehicle of Justice who pokes holes through her with the Law. See definition of Law hereinafter. Appellate Court. A number of judges who agree to disagree and have the trouble started over again. Jury. Twelve men doomed to listen to what they might understand if they didn't hear so much, having nothing to do with it. and it weren't for the lawyers and Court. Also, the court's football. Also, a body of men for the purpose of discouraging reading and promoting obstinacy. Fee. Money paid by a client to a lawyer to find out the difference between Law and Justice. Also, a perpetual sinking fund. Retainer. The preface to the cash book. Also, the Caviar sandwich that precedes the feast as an appetizer. Equality before the Law. A pet legal fiction. Contempt of Court. Something you are often justified in feeling, but it is expensive to express unless you're an Oil Magnate. Equity. A more expensive and protracted process of law than the common. Also, the conscience of the court after the law has stunted it. Also, morals as they are not practiced in litigation.