Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 19.pdf/414

 THE LIGHTER SIDE against me on the note and you can pay me the balance whenever you get around to it." "I can't do dat, Mr. Searle," replied the rev erend gentleman, " I can't do dat, sah, I'se de administrator to receive." Tim. — An Irishman came into the lawyer's office one cold morning with left arm in a sling and asked the lawyer, " Have you any work a poor man could do to earn something for his fambly to eat? " " What is the matter with your arm?" asked the lawyer. " I slipped on the ice, and fell and broke it." "What work could you do with a broken arm?" "Oh! I could saw wood and many things." " What, with one hand? " " Yes." "I have a couple of cords of wood up at my house. What is it worth to cut it in two, once? " "A dollar a cord." " Here is two dollars, but you need not cut it now, you can cut some for me when you are well." The Irishman took the money and went out. That evening when the lawyer went home, the wood was cut and nicely piled up. Tim had done it with one hand. The lawyer thought such pluck deserved reward, so in a day or two he said to the man whom he met in the street, " Tim that was a pretty good job you did with one hand. How much family have you got? " " My wife, two girls and a boy all nearly grown and three smaller children." "What do you do for a living? " "I works at what I can find to do." " Tim, I have a building near where the work is being done down at the river. How would it do for you to take it and keep boarders there? " "It would do all right and I would be proud if I could, but I have nothing to do with, no furniture or bedding, and I would have to have that." " How much money would it take to fix you up? " "I don't know, but I can go to the second hand store and find out." "Do so and let me know." He went away and returned saying it would take sixty-five dollars, but there was no use talking, he could not raise the money. He wished he could, it would be a good thing. " I will buy the things for you, Tim," which he did. Tim started in making money from the start. Before long he had a saloon adjunct to the boarding house. As soon as it started trouble began. Tim was arrested frequently. His friend, the lawyer, by personal influence with

385

the courts, managed to have Tim let down easy in his troubles, so it became a matter of talk that Tim did not suffer in being arrested, which was very often. One day a friend said to Tim, " How is it you are arrested nearly every day but never go to jail nor pay any fines? " " It's just this way," said Tim. " I have Mr. Gillman for my lawyer and what he don't know about the law, I tells him." Nothing. — Tim Shaughnessy came into Mr. Gillman's, his patron's office one morning looking dejected. " Mr. Gillman I was ar rested again this morning." " Oh Tim, why do you get into trouble all the time, why can't you behave yourself? What is it this time? " "I had some trouble with a nagur. I was having some plastering done down at the house and to save expense I was tending him myself. As I came out the door a great big buck of a nagur came along and put his big huff of a foot into the mortar I had mixed up and scattered it out." " What did you do to him, Tom? " " Nothin' at all, Mr. Gillman, except to hit him in the head with the mortar hoe." A Good Job. — A country woman came into the lawyer's office one morning and asked if her man had been there. Being told he had not, she said, " We sold forty acres of our land yesterday, and we had to make the papers before a lawyer. He told me to come here and wait for him. " All right, sit down and make yourself comfortable." She sat down and the lawyer turned to his work. "Say, Mr. Lawyer, How is the lawyerin' business? " " Pretty good, I guess," said the lawyer. " Sometimes I think of having my man run for a lawyer." Appendicitis. — A suit was being tried in court before a jury. A commission man had sued for advances in casings for sausage con signed to him which had not realized the amount of the advances. Defendant claimed the casings were light salted for immediate use when consigned in February and he had 1 directed an immediate sale. The market be ing down for casings the commission man had held them several weeks, and found in April they were useless. The defendant had taken j depositions at the commission man's city to