Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 18.pdf/744

 THE LIGHTER SIDE

THE LIGHTER SIDE Pony Creek. — The recent August election resulted in the election of a new justice of the peace and constable for Pony Creek beat. This community has been unusually quiet the past season, most of the young men and big boys being in school at the college. Last Saturday night at " early candle-lighting" the youth and beauty of the Creek were enter tained at the palatial residence of Mr. and Mrs. Boardinghouse and only those fortunate enough to hold tickets were admitted. The word was passed around among the "unfortunates," and this class decided to have a " carousal." Accordingly half a dozen young men got together, imbibed bust-head till all were fairly " under the proper influ ence," then proceeded to the bridge on the Creek where they generally hold their mid night. " carousals." Their hilarity was very soon in evidence. Oath after oath rent the darkness of the midnight hour. The dignity of the new justice of the peace, who is a very short, stout man, was insulted and his right eous indignation suggested that something must be done to restore order and preserve the honest valley people's reputation against such disturbances. Accordingly he "phoned the new constable to come at once. When the constable arrived the two held a short consultation at which it was decided that the constable should go quietly to the bridge and arrest the offenders, while, as a precautionary measure, his Honor stood square in the middle of the road and listened for results -— it was too dark to see. The officer was right in the midst of the carousers before they were aware of his presence; they, presuming he was one of them, continued their " grand fusillade" of frightful oaths. But when the constable shouted: " You are my prisoners " the con-' fusion that followed was so bewildering that the officer was perfectly amazed and alone; for the boys had flown like a covey of birds when flushed by the huntsman's dog. One of the big ringleaders of the flying party hap pened to take the middle of the road and, in a twinkling, collided with his justice of the peaceship, when both went tumbling heads, heels, heels and heads to the bottom of a deep gully. Both came out painted all over with

a fine specimen of Pony Creek red clay. The big boarding student (for such the boy proved to be), by this time frightened " within an inch of his life," struck the road again as fleet as if no mishap had occurred. The con stable, who in the meantime had procured a mule from the " squire's " barn, a pine torch from the kitchen fireplace, thus doubly armed, gave such violent chase that young boarding student was soon run to earth. The trial was short. Boarding student placed himself on the mercies of the court, who closed the incident in the following opinion: " The law must be executed; the judicial ermine shall not trail in mud while I wear it. My magisterial garments have been soiled and the damage is irreparable. Let the defendant pay a fine of fifteen dollars and costs, all of which may be satisfied by replac ing the soiled clothes with a new tailored suit. "Adjourn the court. Mr. Officer." Intimate. — He — That lawyer seems to be a very intimate friend of yours? She — Yes; he was best man at my divorce proceedings? — Yonkers Statesman. Coat Identified in Court. — About twentyfive years ago, when the Suffolk county courts held their sessions in the old court house in Court Square, the writer wandered into one of the courts while in session. There was a young man on trial for stealing revenue stamps. His lawyer, an elderly man, contended that the plaintiff could not identify revenue stamps, and said: "I remember a case tried in this court some thirty years ago, when a man was convicted for stealing an overcoat, although there were thousands of overcoats just like it. The man who owned the coat was put upon the stand to identify his property. The court asked him if he had any mark on the coat that he could swear to. He replied that his name was in it. The lawyers looked the coat over, but could not find a mark of an}' kind upon it. "He then said: ' If some one will give me a pen-knife, I will show you my name." He cut a small slit in the lower corner of the coat. Taking out two peas, and, putting them in