Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 17.pdf/771

 THE GREEN BAG A few years ago a good old deacon in the Congregational Church in that city, who had held many public as well as private offices of trust in the community, found himself on the verge of financial ruin. In endeavoring to recoup and save himself from insolvency, he dragged a large number of his unsuspecting friends into the maelstrom, and was finally compelled to resort to bankruptcy. Now we will use Hoxie's own words in telling the sequel: "The day was set for the deacon's discharge in bankruptcy, and after he had got his decree, I was going home for supper, when I heard the sound of music. I listened, -and noted that it emanated from the Con gregational Church. I was in a quandary. This was not Sunday, nor yet prayer-meeting night. I approached, and peered through the •door. There sat Deacon P, oblivious to every surrounding, his face wreathed as with a beatific vision, a copy of the Hymnal before his face, and was singing that old familiar hymn, 'Jesus paid it all!'" Judge Bixby Again. — During the trial of a case before Judge Bixby, considerable dis turbance was caused by a young attorney, who was hunting for an overcoat he had lost. The judge, on learning the reason of the delay, remarked: "Young man, you can never hope to be successful until you can lose whole suits in silence." Reformed. — A correspondent • calls our at tention to the lawyer noted by Washington Irving, who became converted on seeing a ghost, and never afterward cheated unless to his own advantage. Court English. — A naturalized Italian, seeking to be excused from jury duty, said to the judge: "But I understands no very good English." "No excuse," the judge replied, "you will hear none here." Something New. — A client, for whom I had about a year before secured a divorce, called to retain me to apply for a divorce from her new husband, which, by the way, was her fourth one. From her statement of the mar ital difficulties, I could not see that she had a cause of action, and so advised her. She called several successive times, but the subse quent occurrences she had to report developed nothing new. Finally one morning she fairly fell into my

office, and commanded me to make her appli cation forthwith. "What is the reason for your imperative motion?" I asked her. " Have you something new?" "Yes," she blushingly replied, "I have a new beau." Hetty in New Jersey. — When Hetty Green was brought to court on complaint of not having a license for her dog Dewey, she said: "I've got a New York license for the dog. Ain't that enough?" "No; you must have a Jersey license." "Must I? Well, it's mighty extravagant; but a dog's worth mor'n a lawyer, anyhow; barks louder for you, and don't cost near so much." — Chicago Law Journal. Not Guilty. — "In Paris," said a lady who had had the bitter experience of being knocked down by a cab, and then brought to book for being in the way, "they run over you and make you pay for the privilege." Perhaps the old colored man, quoted by the Valentine Democrat, was sufficiently traveled to fear a similar outcome. There had been a railway collision near a country town, and a shrewd lawyer had hur ried to the scene of disaster. He noticed this old man with a badly injured head, and hur ried up to him where he lay moaning on the ground. "How about damages?" he began. But the sufferer waved him off. "G'way, boss, g'way," he said. "Ah nebber hit de train. Ah nebber done such a t'ing in all mah life! Yo" cyain't git no dam ages out ob me." — Lancaster Law Review. A Dead Heat. — Near Evergreen. Ala., there lived, at the close of the Civil War, an old colored man, whose named was Tom Franklin. He had been for many years foreman of one of the plantations of his former owner, and even after he received his freedom, on account of his good character and knowledge of the estate, he was retained in his former position. About the time the affairs of the state were being straightened out and the machinery of the courts began to run, Uncle Torn de cided that he would like to hear a case tried in court, as he had never been in a court-house • up to that time. He made known his desire to his employer, and asked him to name a dav