Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 16.pdf/741

 684

Ti:e Green Bag.

sorry to see you here. Didn't you know that no good could come from stolen money? There's a curse on it." "Well, jedge," replied the prisoner, "I didn't know Mistah Appleton stole dat money. I couldn't tell dat by jest lookin' at it."—Exchange. A GEORGIA judge (says an exchange) was accosted by an old darkey. "Mornin', jedge,'' began old Sam. "Howdy." "Say, jedge, I'se like tu be on de nex' ticket for justice uv de peace,'' continued Sara. "You a judge!" replied my friend. "Why what do you know about the law?"

"Mos1 eberythin'." "Well, now, Sam, if we should elect you and a man was brought before you charged with committing suicide what would your judgment be?'' This caused Sam some deep meditation, and after a considerable wait he replied: "Well, under de circumstances, I guess I'd make him support his wife."

REPRESENTATIVE BOURKE COCKRAN was seated in his law office one day recently when one of the clerks announced a visitor. The orator was very busy, but the man re fused to tell his business to a clerk, insist ing that it was a personal matter and he must see Mr. Cockran himself. "Well, show him in," said the lawyer finally, in disgust. "I want to get some legal advice, Mr. Cockran,'' said the visitor, "and I came to you because I am a poor man and cannot afford to pay a real lawyer." "What do you mean?" thundered the rep resentative, indignantly. "Well, I mean that as a politician you will not be hard on one of your constituents. Besides, I have another claim on you. My aunt does washing for one of your cousins." "My dear sir,'' said the lawyer in his most withering tones, as he ushered the visitor

out, "you don't want to see a lawyer; you want to see a nerve specialist."—AVw York Herald. A STORY, said to be true, is related of the late Senator "Matt" Carpenter, of Wiscon sin. The Senator was once arguing a case before the State Supreme Court, and before he was half through with his argument, the judges made up their minds that the Senator did not have a case, and informed him that he might as well conclude, as the decision would go against him. Carpenter sat down and as the opposing counsel, who was very deaf arose to speak, the Chief Justice said: "I don't think it will be necessary to hear from you." Seeing that he was being- ad dressed, the lawyer turned to Carpenter. "What did the Chief Justice say, Matt?" he whispered. "He said he would rather give you the case than to listen to you," replied Carpenter, aloud.—Chicago Law Journal.

THE cross-examiner had kept the wit ness on the stand for some time, and the witness naturally was getting weary. "If you would only answer my questions properly,'' said the cross-examiner, "we would have no trouble. If I could only get you to understand that all 1 want to know is what you know, we—'' "It would take you a lifetime to acquire that,1' interrupted the witness. "What I mean is that 1 merely want to learn what vou know about this affair,'' the lawyer said, frowning. "I don't care any thing about your abstract knowledge of law or your information in regard to theosophy but what you know about this case." "Oh, that isn't what you want,'5 said the witness in an off-hand way. "I've been try ing to give you that for some time, and—" The lawyer got in an objection and the witness had to stop. "If I don't want to know what you know about this particular case and nothing else," inquired the lawyer later, "what do you think I do want to know?''