Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 16.pdf/384

 Rditorial Department. DOWN in Virginia one planter sued an other to recover damages for a dog that had been killed. The lawyer for the complainant confused many of the defendant's witnesses by a severe cross-examination. At last Un cle Charlie, a coachman, took the stand. "Now, uncle," said the nagging lawyer, "did you know this dog that was killed?" "Yes, sah,'' said Charlie, "I was personally acquainted with him." "Then tell the jury exactly what sort of a dog it was." "He was a big, yaller dawg." "We know that already, Charlie. Tell the jury what the dog was good for." "Well, sah, he wan't no good. He wouldn't hunt; he wouldn't gyard de house none; he jes' wouldn't do nothin' but lay around and eat. Dat how come dey give him de name he had." "And what was his name. Uncle Charlie?" "Dey call him 'Lawyer,' sah," answered Uncle Charlie gleefully, and even the judge joined in the merriment.—Philadelphia LcdTHE late Sir Frederick Bramwell was fa mous both as a wit and an arbitrator in en gineering disputes. His brother, the late Lord Justice Bramwell, had had dealings with him in both capacities and was well qual ified, according to St. Jantes' Budget, to ap preciate him. The Lord Justice was once asked for ad vice by a young barrister. "Something comprehensive, sir," said the young man. "In a general way,'' began the Lord Jus tice, "you must be careful of four kinds of witnesses. First, of the liar; second, of the liar who can only be adequately described by the aid of a powerful adjective; third, of the expert witness; and, finally, of my brother Fred." LAWYER (cross-examining): Where was your maid at the time? Witness: In mv boudoir, arranging my hair. Lawyer: And where were you? Witness: Sir!—Irish Lai(.' Times.

337

THE fair plaintiff had sued the elderly capi talist for breach of promise and her lawyer was trying to persuade her to compromise. "He offers," said the lawyer, "to give you one-third of the sum you are trying to re cover if you will withdraw the suit.'' "I won't do it," she replied. "I want the full amount." "Failing in that," pursued her attorney, "he offers to marry you." "What do I want to marry him for?" The lawyer shrugged his shoulders. "Well," he said, "think of the possibilities of a divorce suit, with a fat claim for ali mony."—Chicago Tribune. SUPREME Court Justice Leonard A. Giegerich always had a kindly feeling for Timothy J. Campbell and enjoys regaling his friends with reminiscences of the eccentric politician. At the Catholic Club on the evening of the funeral he recalled an incident of Campbell's career on the bench that may not have ap peared in print before. "Tim" was presiding at a trial where it soon became apparent that the plaintiff had no just claim to recover. At the proper mo ment counsel for defendant, as is .usual under such conditions, asked the judge to dismiss the complaint. "Complaint dismissed," jerked out Camp bell, not waiting for a word from the lawyer for the plaintiff. "But, hold on, your Honor," shouted the latter, in a fury. "Surely you won't dismiss my complaint without hearing me against the motion?" "Go ahead, counselor," replied Campbell, leaning far over his desk, and hissing defi ance. "Go ahead with your argument. But I'll bet ye tin dollars I dismiss your com plaint."—New York Mail. Two Irishmen were in court, one for stealing a cow, the other a watch. "Hello, Mike! What o'clock is it?" said the cowf.tealer to the other. "And sure, Pat, I have no time-piece handy, but I think it is most milking time."