Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 15.pdf/99

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A CASE OF CONSTRUCTIVE ASSAULT. BY GEORGE O. BLUME. THE Court of Petty Sessions was open for business. The county magistrate, hav ing taken his seat on the bench, cast a kindly glance at the motley crowd that had assem bled in the court-room, and with an air of great importance asked the court officer what cases were on the calendar for the day. "Nothing of any importance, your Honor, only a case of constructive assault." "What kind of a case is that?'' whispered his Worship to the clerk, not wishing to be tray his ignorance. "It's an indirect assault, an assault in ferred," replied the clerk. "Ah," whispered his Honor, "give me an illustration. Hould, I think I have it. I sup pose it's something like shaking your fist at a lad wid the intention you'd like to be hammerin' the head iv him?" "Yes," rejoined the clerk, smiling, ."that would be a constructive assault." "I'm glad I've larnt this sort of crime," said his Honor, "bekase I may have a few men and women up under it. Mr. Clerk," he added, with an air of grave importance, "call the case iv Duffy v. McCarthy." ''Take the book, officer, and tell us what you know about this constructive assault." The constable, being sworn, said: "Your Honor, the defendant in this case is a woman by the name of Peggy McCarthy, and my charge agin' her is that she wilfully left a metal pot in my path, so that I might fall over, it and hurt myself." "Who is this Peggy McCarthy?" sternly inquired the Court. ''She's a widow, your Honor, an' she lives on a small farm a few miles over in the country." "Well," said the Court, "you say she left a metal pot on your road for you to fall over

i;. It doesn't matter whether you fell over ir or no from it bein' a constructive assault.'' "But," insisted the constable, "I did fall over it, and scraped and bruised my shins and ankle/' "Thin a regular assault is now added to the constructive assault," rejoined the Court. "Your Honor knows the law better than I do, and that's my charge," responded Offi cer Duffy. "He has produced no evidence in support of his case," whispered the clerk in an under tone. "He merely makes an assertion with out proving it." "Hould your tongue, Mr. Clerk, and don't be raisin' objections of this kind. Iv all things a magistrate should avoid is thryin' to upset a policeman." "Hev you anything to say in your defince?'' said his Honor to the defendant. "Well, your Honor," says Peggy McCar thy, "I am as much guilty in that crime as yer Lordship sitting up on the binch." "Don't say that, Peggy McCarthy, bekase you are charged with a crime, and magis trates are not charged with any crime, 'and it's insulting to the Court." "I beg pardon, your Honor, I meant no ofifince." "Your ignorance is excoosable this time." "Well, your Honor, I live about a mile or so from this, and after I got through bilin' the pigs' dinner, I puts the pot outside my doore, to air it. It was right alongside my cabin, and fully twelve feet from the road." "That's not so, your Honor,'' interjected Officer Duffy. "Do you deny that my cabin is twelve feet off the road, Constable Duffy?" asked Peggy McCarthy. "The Court rules that it doesn't matter a