Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 15.pdf/100

 A Case of Constructive Assault. hair where your cabin is. It's where your pot was, is the charge, p,nd I rule that cabin evidence irrevelent," replied his Honor. "Your Honor, I know where my pot was. Agin' my doore. Which the policeman can't deny, as he stumbled over it, and he fell agin' my doore." "Did you fall, officer, against the door, when you stumbled over the pot?" queried the Court. "Yis, your Honor.'1 "But you might have kept stumbling for four or five steps after you tripped over the pot," suggested the Court. "No, your Honor, I did not," answered the policeman. "He's a very stupid officer," whispered the Court to the clerk, "an' I thryin' to help him out of his difficulty." ''There it is now, your Honor," rejoined Peggy. "He admits that he didn't stumble any feet to reach the wall in my place. Don't it prove complate that my cabin is on the very side of the path, if when he stumbled, he fell agin' my doore?" "There seems to be no doubt of that," whispered the clerk. "We must discharge her unless we prove she hasn't given the right location to her cabin." "I'm afraid," said the Court, "the officer has put his foot in the pot now, after stumb ling over it." "I say, officer, is this woman, Peggy Mc Carthy, giving the right location to her cabin?" inquired the Court. "I don't think she is." replied Officer Duffy. "But you ought to know."

"This is a matter of fact, not opinion that the officer is swearing to,'' said the clerk. "Your Honor/' says Peggy, "I would like to have the Court see my cabin." "The Court has no time to view any one s cabin, especially in such a triflng case. Evi dence in the case is now closed, and I think I'll take a hand myself and g'et to the truth of the matter. Peggy McCarthy," said his Honor, "would you be sorry if the policeman hurt himself?" "I would be sorry to see anyone hurt him self," said Peggy. "You have no great love for Officer Duffy, have you?" "I can't say that I have," replied Peggy. "Peggy McCarthy, listen to the sintence of the Court. The Court finds that you, upon trial, showed that you did not love your neighbor as yourself in conformity with the Tin Commandments and the Sarmon on the Mount, and that you showed no apparant contrition for the injury which you have in flicted on Officer Duffy. The Court finds you guilty of constructive assault and moral delinquency, and you are sintenced to pay a fine of five shillings, or in default thereof, one week in jail." "But I have no money," ejaculated Peggy. "The Court will take a recess of tin min utes so that you can consult your friends." Here the hat was passed around, and the necessary amount was raised. Peggy pays her fine. The Court wishes to admonish all blackguards and evil-minded people that this tribunal is run on a strictly business basis. "Mr. Clerk, call the next case."