Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 14.pdf/287

 252

The county magistrate ordered the attending the Navy, was interlocutor. There was no re "officer " to admit one of the voluntary wit hearsal, and when the curtain arose " our repre nesses for the prosecution. The door of the sentative " came to the edge of the platform and witness-room opened, and a young man came said, " Janitor, lock the doors 1 " Then, turn out, and with a confident step walked towards ing to the circle he added in an undertone, the dais of " his honor." "Come now, boys, follow me "; and the flow of "What is your name?" wit that followed was something not to be for The young man hesitated, looked at the jus gotten. tice with a look of one in doubt, and inquired : "My name?" A certain constituent has always been in the "Yes, that's what I said I" past a very devoted admirer of Congressman "John Milton." Cousins of Iowa, and has frequently indicated The lips of the judge elongated with a light his friendship and intimacy with the Congress ning-like rapidity, then focused into a circle, and man by requesting copies of the public docu darted to a distance even with the extreme point ments sent to him. He reads the Congressional of his nose. A familiar name, but a ridiculously Record from beginning to end, and has a strong liking for reports of the pure food commission, unfamiliar man. "Where do you live, Milton?" and other voluminous works prepared and dis Again the witness paused. tributed free of charge by the government. At last requests for these documents began to "I 'm a waiter for Colonel Brown." The colonel, by the way, was an intimate arrive with such regularity that Cousin's took up a collection among his colleagues, scraped up friend of the judge, a sport, and an acknowl all the books and documents that he could find, edged aristocrat of the village. sacked the mass and franked them through. "Do you know the prisoner at bar?" The devoted constituent made two trips to The witness turned to a black incarnate at his the office with a spring wagon to get the stuff side, then back to the judge : "I wonder what you 're driving at judge, home. A few days later Cousins received this curt note of thanks : really I do." "Congressional library at hand. Many thanks. The few spectators present relinquished for a moment the solemnity of court-room auditors, It will last me during your term of office." and imagined themselves at a side-show of a cir fy A Detroit millionaire who recently sat on a cus. The gavel sounded on the bar. "Milton, I 've a mind to fine you for contempt .'jury in justice court had only one real criticism of court. Don't you forget that you 're in a to offer, and in that he deplored the lack of dig court-room 1 Now, take the oath and tell me nity displayed by attorneys and officers of the law while in the court. The same criticism has what^you know I" The oath administered, the witness collected been made before elsewhere, and the difficulty himself preparatory to saying " what he knew," may be explained by an experience a stranger had in a Missouri temple of justice. He was struck and said : "It 's all a mistake, judge. Mr. Brown sent by the same lack of dignity and an odor of bad me here to ask you to come up to dinner and to tobacco when he entered the courtroom. "Who is the man with his hat on? " he asked play golf. To-morrow he 's going on a hunting trip, and would like you to accompany him. of a native. "The sheriff," replied the Missourian. That 's all." "And the man with his feet on the table and The court adjourned for two days. his hands in his pockets?" "The prosecuting attorney." To Haverhill, Massachusetts, belongs the "Now, who 's the old guy with the straw hat honor of having given the best minstrel show on record. It was many years ago, and the on and no necktie, and the corncob furnace and circle was composed entirely of lawyers. The the fumigating tobacco?" Hon. William H. Moody, the new Secretary of "The judge."