Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 10.pdf/568

 In a Court of Justice. Well, I would like to smash the fellow's head who would try to " examine " me that way. He's just asked the witness if his father wasn't a horse-thief? That's simply to establish his character. Now he asks him how many times a week he gets drunk? That's to fix his religion. Who are those men asleep over there in the box? They are the jurymen. What are they for? They are to decide from the evidence which side is right. But if they are asleep, and don't hear the evidence, how can they tell who is right? Oh, when the attorneys come to make their speeches, they will wake them up and tell them what the evidence, was. But can they remember all the evidence themselves, so as to repeat it to the jury cor rectly? They will tell the jury they can. But will the jury believe them? Wait and see. Now the fierce-looking attorney says, "Take the witness." Does he mean for the sheriff to take him to jail? No, it is a signal that he is to be released from torture. Now all the attorneys are at their tables, writing rapidly. What is that for? That means the case is closed and they arc writing instructions for the jury. I suppose each attorney will instruct the jury to find in his favor? Possibly. And the jury will — Hush! The attorney is now making his opening argument. Yes, I see. Now he tells them he will give them a fair and unprejudiced review of the evidence in the case. Which means — That he will bring out all the strong points on his side. And forget to mention the other fellow's strong points?

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Exactly; you are learning. Oh, my! he has just referred to the other attorney as an unprincipled scoundrel. That's nothing; wait till the red-headed fellow gets back at him. But he speaks awful nice to those sleepylooking fellows in the box. That's where policy comes in again. Oh! Now he's through. Listen to the other attorney. Yes, he begins real nice and gentlemanly. Wait. My goodness gracious! he says the other lawyer was tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail for marrying three women in Texas. That's pretty good, but he can do better than that. He says it's a known fact that the other attorney nearly killed an aged couple in Ten nessee for the sake of two dollars. Let's go! No, he's cooling off now; he'll be through in a minute. I guess the fierce-looking attorney will wait until he gets outside to shoot him. Now the jurymen are going out. I suppose we will soon know who beat? Yes — perhaps. While the jury is out let's go down street and get a glass of soda-water. How nice it is to be out in the air once more! Oh, my Lord! the two attorneys have met! There'll be murder certain! Just wait a minute and watch them. Well, if they ain't drinking together I'm a petrified ghost. Let us go back and see if the jury have come in. Yes, they are just passing down the aisle. Good! Now we'll know who won? Yes — perhaps. By the Lord Harry! the foreman says they are hung! Does that mean the attor neys arc to be executed? No, the jury's hung. Oh! the jury to be hung? They ought to be. Let's go now.