Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 08.pdf/426

 Rh Nemo repente turpissimus. Not even Turpin Dick, Highwayman brave and bold, Could suddenly on trick Or baseness take his hold. Ex h ita disci omnes. As tallest oaks in forests grow From smallest acorns dropped in mold, So from one truth or falsehood flow Currents of similars; for behold, Frem one the whole you know. De minimis lex non curatur. From small and immaterial things Law flies away on rapid wings. Law values most Life's greater themes, For smallest brooks feed widest streams. Caveat actor vel emptor. He who does and he who buys Himself must heed that he be wise. Accusare nemo se debet. None shall be forced to criminate Himself of charges small or great. De non apparentibus non existentidus. What don't appear, howe'er we twist, But equals that which don't exist.

In New York City candidates for admission to the Bar must have either obtained a college degree or have passed a certificated examination before Regents of the State University (the body having more or less legislative wardship of all the colleges and academic schools). The applicants are next examined at an interlocutory session of the appel late court of the local district by three members of the Bar whom it appoints as interlocutors. Some times, however, there will be among the applicants those who would make better farriers than at torneys, and show stupidity. For instance, the examiner puts a question, "Can a wife after discovering the infidelity of her husband, but subsequently cohabiting, then bring action for di vorce?" And the answer was : " Certainly, for his disbelief in a deity would be immaterial." Another, when asked " What action he would bring against a man who had warranted a horse sound when it had blind staggers," proceeded to stagger the listening judge with this answer: "Breach of promise, sir." Per contra, often the examination evolves wit and repartee. To the query, " Give your views about libel," the answer began, " Every libel is a lie which, like the bell on a cow's neck,

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sounds far and wide, hence a belled lie or a lie-bel," but however ended by giving Alexander Hamil ton's famous definition now used in all elementary treatises on Defamation. Another applicant, when asked to define " law," responded: "Shall I give Coke's description or Blackstone's, or may I give my own?" Hav ing been told to submit his own idea, he added : "I have been three years in the office of — (nam ing a celebrated legal firm), and have sedulously attended court proceedings and have come to the conclusion that law is injustice reduced to an exact science." Probably the most frivolous, in quality, action for ejectment is pending in New York City, brought by a plaintiff against the Astor Estate, because of a top-story cornice overhanging his demesne two feet. "A corn-ice," exclaimed one of the lawyers, sepa rating the dissyllable in two parts, with emphasis on the latter. " Why bring an action, when the best action would have been to break off .the trespassing part under the saying quarc clausum freeze it I" Judge Martin Grover was a rare humorist, and his fun was accentuated by a curious twang of voice such as actors use when playing a Sam Slick part. On one occasion, while holding an Oyer and Terminer, in Niagara County, he was called upon to sentence a colored culprit, who, as is often the case with his race, enjoyed a high-sounding classic name — that of Plato. Referring to the offense and the convict's lame explanation of it, Judge Martin Grover began with, " Plato, thou didst not reason well, and I cannot give you a pleasing hope," etc. etc. At another time, when in chambers, dismissing a frivolous and rather mean plea, filed for demurrer by an attorney named Smalley, Judge Grover remarked, "Judging from .this plea of yours, I think you have been appropriately named." At a Bar dinner in Philadelphia were two lawyers named Lee, but not related. They sat, as it happened, vis a vis, and Daniel Dougherty, the Irish wit of the Bar, who subsequently removed to New York and there won new forensic honors, called upon each for a speech, which having been given, he arose and proposed their health, saying, "Drink it, gentlemen, in Port wine, which is always best on its lees."