Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 06.pdf/72

 Rh when he ran after that poor little puny, tallowfaced boy, and because he couldn't overtake him picked up a rock big enough to knock down a steer, and threw it at him and knocked him senseless, then you can find for the defendant. Any other charges, brother Glenn?" "I believe not," said Glenn. "Don't you think," said a brother lawyer to Judge Underwood, " that Jim Pierson is the greatest liar of a lawyer that you ever saw?" "I should hate to say that of brother Pierson," replied the Judge; " but he is certainly more economical of the truth than any other lawyer on the circuit." Chief Justice Jeremiah Black of Pennsylvania, in reviewing a case which came up from the court of his old friend, Judge Moses Hampton, remarked that "Surely Moses must have been wandering in the wilderness when he made his decision," and sent the case back to the lower court. Judge Hampton, on its second trial, took occasion to remark that although he would have to submit to the higher authority, yet he still thought he was right, " in spite of the Lamenta tions of Jeremiah." The following medical certificate was intro duced recently in a hearing upon an application to take the deposition of an absent witness : — "This is to certify that Mr. Thomas B— is very unwell. He has been sick for four weeks or more and is still in bed, and I do honestly believe that his life will be endangered, for I have been his attending physician. Very respectfully, F. J—, M.D." On an argument before the Supreme Court of N. C. one day in years past, Mr. Lanier, a very learned and very thorough argufier of his causes, was going " to the bottom of the reason of things," when Chief Justice Pearson interrupted him : " Brother Lanier, you should presume that this Court at least understands the elementary principles of the law. You need not discuss them." Mr. Lanier, blandly raising his spectacles with a placid smile, replied with great delibera tion, "So — I did — your — Honors, at the last term of the Court, and I — lost — my case — by

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— it." " Umph," said the Chief Justice, as he slided a little lower down in his seat.

Col. Folk of the Mountain circuit in N. C. is a very learned lawyer, but it seems is not one of those who think all judges absorb learning ex officio. On one occasion, in arguing a point before Judge of the Superior Court, he laid down a very doubtful proposition of law. The judge eyed him a moment and queried, " Col. Folk, do you think that is law?" The colonel gracefully bowed and replied, " Candor compels me to say that / do not, but I did not know how it would strike your Honor." The judge deliberated a few moments and gravely said, " That may not be contempt of court, but it is a close shave."

NOTES. The following beautiful instance of mixed metaphor is copied verbatim from a brief filed recently by counsel in a cause pending in the Supreme Court of North Carolina : — "We conclude this argument by remarking that, however formidable an array that the able opposing counsel has made by his many exceptions and prayers for instruction, that they are but straws forming a rope of sand when opposed to the clear principles of law and equitable jurisprudence."

In Leavenworth they have nominated a young woman for coroner. Her election would mitigate somewhat the distress of having the coroner sit on a fellow.— Philadelphia Ledger.

"Let me give you my dying advice," said Rufus Choate. " Nevercross-examine a woman. It is of no use. They cannot disintegrate the story they have once told; they cannot eliminate the part that is for you from that which is against you. They can neither combine nor shade nor qualify. They go for the whole thing, and the moment you begin to cross-examine one of them, instead of being bitten by a single rattlesnake, you are bitten by a whole barrelful. I never, excepting in a case absolutely desperate, dared to cross-examine a woman."