Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 06.pdf/626



CURRENT TOPICS. A Poetical Lawyer. — It is well understood by publishers, if not by poets, that with rare exceptions poetry does not "pay." To pay, it must be extremely good, like Tennyson's or Browning's or Aldrich's, or extremely commonplace and newspaporial, like Riley's or Carleton's or Field"s. The vast mass of slender volumes of rhymes with which the press is flooded in these days is published at the authors' ex pense, and they are the principal buyers. Still less has it been found that legal poetry or poetry by lawyers "pays." Bearing these truisms in mind, the fact that a Brooklyn lawyer has made poetry "pay" deserves to be chronicled. He ought to be an orator as well as a poet, for his name is Mirabeau Lamartine Towns. There is nothing in a name, however, for we once knew a lawyer of the name of Demosthenes Lawyer, who was neither a great orator nor a great lawyer, although a very commendable gentleman. Unless our memory is at fault, Mr. Towns had atten tion drawn to him by the "Albany Law Journal" several years ago on account of a poetical pleading he had filed. It cannot be correctly said that his poetry is of the inspired order. It is about as bad as that which Dr. Owens has cyphered out of Shake speare and attributed to Bacon. Mr. Towns appears to be a crank, and naturally his verses are of the machine kind. But he has made money out of his faculty. It came about in a manner described by the Troy "Times" as follows : — "An eccentric Irishman named Broone, who lived in Queens County and owned an estate valued at $600,000, has made Mr. Towns one of four heirs, and his share will be $150,000. About ten years ago an old man entered his office and requested an interview. lie stated that he had long been interested in reading of litigations, and he had seen the name of Mr. Towns in the newspapers as a lawyer who did not take the law too seriously; so Broone came to Mr. Towns, saying he had decided to give him the first case that he was interested in, on condition that he would sum up the case in rhyme. The case was that of Mrs. Bridget Rowan against John Bedell for damages for being bitten by a dog and drenched with water from a hose. To comply with Mr. Broone's request, Mr. Towns summed up the case as desired. After reciting how Bedell, who

' Keeps near the park, oh, sad to tell, A low resort of vice and sin. Where he dispenses rum and gin. Yet not content with deadly cups, He keeps two wild, ferocious pups To slay those who escape his lair With deadly hydrophobi-air,' the poet-lawyer went on to say that Bedell, ' Seeing she was but a woman, Set his puppies on Mrs. Rowan, And as he saw her race with fright, Trying to save herself by flight, He shouted, " Bill, before she goes, Just play upon her with the hose." Cursed, assaulted, all but drowned, Bleeding from the puppies' wound, The plaintiff, gentlemen of the jury, At last escaped this blackguard's fury, And comes in court to see if you Will do as you'd have others do.'" These atrocities resulted in a verdict of $575 for his client. His patron was so pleased that'he gave him another case, in which he recovered $9,583 against the Long Island Railroad Company, on in juries to a woman's knee. This case he summed up in rhyme, remarking among other things deserv ing death : — "The fairest thing on earth to see Is lovely woman's beauteous knee." It really cannot be said that Mr. Towns' taste soars very high. But he may retort, if he has read "Trilby," that Little Billee's taste was even lower. He says that he has summed up other cases in rhyme, for his eccentric friend, and that he has won them all. Mr. Towns' latest achievement in this kind was his poetical argument, as a member of the late New York Constitutional Convention, in behalf of woman suf frage. In spite, or perhaps on account of his rhymes the measure was defeated. This was not his only offense of that character in the convention. No ac count is given of the character of the property which Mr. Broone has conferred on Mr. Towns. It is stated that he conveyed him his interest in one hun dred and eleven acres of salt-meadows on Newtown creek. If all the property is of that description one may be pardoned the suspicion that Macasnas is "unloading" on Horace some undesirable posses579