Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 06.pdf/473

 438

prisoner is not charged with writing his own name, but that of some one else."

A Virginia judge once visited a plantation where the darkey who met him at the gate asked him which barn he would have his horse put in. "Have you two barns," inquired the judge. " Yes, sah," replied the darkey, " dars de ole barn, and Mas'r has jes build a new one." " Where do you usually put the horses of visitors who come to see your master?" " Well, sah, if dey's Metodis's or Baptis's, we gen'rally puts 'em in de ole barn, but if dey's 'Piscopal we puts 'em in de new one." " Well, Sam, you can put my horse in the new barn; I'm a Baptist, but my horse is an Episcopalian."

An old judge of the New York Supreme Court, meeting a friend in a neighboring village, ex claimed, "Why, what are you doing here?" "I'm at work trying to make an honest living," was the reply. " Then you'll succeed," said the judge, for you have no competition."

Recently a woman was on trial before a Police Court, in Charlotte, N.C. She had figured as a defendant before. Knowing that fact, her counsel on this occasion, who was proving an alibi for her, took occasion to put on an unusual number of witnesses, and some of them of undoubted character. So confident was he that, when through the examination, he refrained from making any speech, saying to the court that the witnesses for the defendants were such as to render it unnecessary. The police justice promptly entered up sentence. Observing the astonished looks of her lawyer, he politely said, "Mr. B, your client has been before me several times. If I were to believe her wit nesses, I never would convict her."

Ir has not been so very long since the old English court rules passed out of observance, and when they were in vogue, nowhere were they more strictly observed than in South Caro lina. The rules provided that a lawyer, when he spoke in court, must wear a black gown and coat,

and that the Sheriff must wear a cocked hat and sword. On one occasion a lawyer named Pettigrue arose to speak in a case on trial. "Mr. Pettigrue," said the judge, " you have on a light coat. You cannot speak, sir." "Oh, your honor," Pettigrue replied, " may it please the court, I conform to the law." "No, Mr. Pettigrue," declared the judge, "you have on a light coat. You cannot speak." "But your honor," insisted the lawyer, "you misinterpret. Allow me to illustrate : The law says the barrister must wear a black gown and coat, does it not?" "Yes," replied the judge. "And does your honor hold that it means that both gown and coat must be black?" "Certainly, Mr. Pettigrue, certainly, sir," answered his honor. "And the law further says," continued Mr. Pettigrue, " that the Sheriff must wear a cocked hat and sword, does it not." "Yes, yes, Mr. Pettigrue," the court answered somewhat impatiently. "And do you mean to say, your honor," queried Pettigrue, " that the sword must be cocked as well as the hat?" "Er — eh? — er-h'm," mused his honor. "You may continue your speech, Mr. Pettigrue." A Legal Career. He went into an office with intent to study law, And he waxed enthusiastic over all he read or saw. It was such a noble science, and that he should come to be Its most sapient exponent, seemed his certain destiny. So the office seemed a palace, and a throne the office stool. While no labor howe'er mighty could this youngster's ardor cool; For his head was full of visions as a hive is full of bees — Visions of his future clients and the fatness of their fees. "Blackstone " was his favored diet, with a dessert dish of "Kent," And he served up bits of " Greenleaf " every single place he went; While he always took some " Wharton " with his quiet ev'ning smoke, And he warmed his legal body with a glowing piece of "Coke." Then he went to be examined and his grade was passing tine; They admitted him to practice and he pasted up his sign, And the business men remarked, " Oh he is promising, they say," But they gave their work to Codger — who was old — across the way.