Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 05.pdf/371

340 "Whoever wears clothes trimmed with gold, silver, or bone lace above one shilling a yard, shall be presented by the grand jurors, and the selectmen shall tax the estate £300." "Whoever brings cards or dice into the Domin ion shall be fined £5." "No one shall eat mince-pies, dance, play cards, or play any instrument of music except the drum, trumpet, or jewsharp. "No man shall court a maid in person or by letter, without obtaining the consent of her parents; £5 penalty for the first offence, £10 for the second, and for the third, imprisonment during the pleasure of the court."

FACETIÆ. AN Irishman went to a lawyer with a case, but the attorney wanted a retainer. The Irishman was poor, and finally the lawyer said he would take the case on a contingent fee. It was settled, but the contingent fee part of the agreement bothered the client. He confided his ignorance to his friend, Paddy, and asked for an explanation. "An' it is the meanin' of a contingent fee yer after knowin'? Sure, I 'll tell ye. A contingent fee means that if ye lose the case the lawyer gits nothin'; if ye win, you git nothin'." THE following good story is told of a Glasgow bailie. In Scottish courts of law witnesses repeat the oath with the right hand raised. On one oc casion, however, the magistrate found a difficulty. "Hold up your right arm," he commanded. "I canna dae 4," said the witness. "Why not?" "Got shot in that airm." "Then hold up your left" "Canna dae that, ayther, — got shot in the ither ane tae." "Then hold up your leg," responded the irate magistrate. " No man can be sworn in this court without holding up something." "WHY do you use such peculiar terms? " asked a lawyer's wife of her husband who had returned worn out by his day's labors. " I don't see how you can have been working all day like a horse." "Well, my dear," he replied, "I Ve been drawing

a conveyance all day; and if that is n't working like a horse, what is it?" THE following story is told of Rufus Choate : He was once called into Maine to defend a brother lawyer who was under a cloud; and while preparing the case he was taken sick, the party in whose cause he was acting having to appear before him in his chamber with his witnesses. One of the latter was a good deacon who was deeply interested in the case, and was very earnest in deprecating the wrong done his legal friend. "Well, deacon," said the great lawyer, "what do you think of the treatment of your friend?" "I think," was the startling reply, " that it is a d d shame!" "That is my opinion," said Mr. Choate; " but you have given it a pious emphasis which I would never have aspired to." A CHICAGO attorney, somewhat noted for his sharp practice, sent his client one day to watch the case. Word came to him that his case was next on the docket, and he hurried over to find the opposing counsel already beginning. In vain he looked for his client. He was nowhere to be seen. In vain he asked for delay; but the court told him that the carelessness of a client would not allow such a thing. At last he glanced into the jury-box and saw his client there. The stupid man had thought he heard his name called, and had marched in with the rest. The opposing counsel was so anxious to hurry the case along that he neglected to examine the jury. Seeing the thing was in his own hands, the Chicago attorney turned to the court. " I withdraw all objection," he said; " I have my client where I want him." THERE is a certain judge in Chicago who rather prides himself on his vast and varied knowledge of law. The other day he was compelled to listen to a case that had been appealed from a justice of the peace. The young practitioner who appeared for the appellant was long and tedious; he brought in all the elementary text-books, and quoted the fundamental propositions of law. At last the judge thought it was time to make an effort to hurry him up. "Can't we assume," he said blandly, " that the court knows a little law itself? "