Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 03.pdf/350

 The Lawyer s Hereafter.

319

THE LAWYER'S HEREAFTER. By E. W. Blake. Jk. (Read at a dinner of the Choate Chapter of Phi Delta Phi, March 20, 1891.) /.HEN the legal fraternity, weary of ' breath, Sought relief from terrestrial trials in death; When they 'd all had enough of contentions and strife, Then, longing for peace, they signed a release Of the bodies whereof they 'd been tenants for life; Whereupon, it is said, without further delay, "Communis mors omnibus " took them away. And when they were ready, each man in his place, With a wild, ghostly cheer, they quitted this sphere, And sailed through the star-sprinkled regions of space. Never was seen such a motley throng, With wigs so large, and with robes so long : There were judges, solicitors, barons, and clerks, Chief-Justices, authors of learned law works, Reporters, attorneys of different degrees, Lots of Q. C.'s, scores of,C. B.'s, And a numberless host of profound LL.B.'s. Onward they sped with astonishing ease, Till the earth and the moon looked the size of two peas. But at last they emerged from the regions of night, And splendor celestial burst full on their sight. The omnibus stopped at the pearl-covered gate, And all were well pleased — but I 'm sorry to state That when they alighted, their hopes were all blighted By being informed they had not been invited, And had to go elsewhere, as sure as fate; While right in the gateway a glittering sentry

Waved a fiery sword, to resist tortious entry. What a commotion was caused by the news! Bacon, L. C, had a fit of the blues; Littleton swore they had not had their dues In being regarded like Turks or like Jews : Clamors were heard on every hand; Some of the band with a good deal of sand Claimed estates-tail in the heavenly land. "I ' faith," exclaimed Coke, " this passeth a joke; By my halidome, somebody's neck shall be broke!" And he drew up a writ, just to make things completer, Headed " Doe on demise of Lord Coke vs. Peter." But when he walked up to the gate, it is said, The guardian saint, as a means of restraint, Just broke the sword "molliter" over his head. Then the janitor poked his head out of the casement, Exclaiming, " No room here : apply in the basement!" And with mutterings loud, the grumbling crowd Remounted the wagon, while every one vowed That so gross an injustice should not be allowed. Then Death, on the box, with a skeleton grin, Drove them out by the very same way they 'd ' come in, And putting the brakes on, for fear of a spill, Whipped up his lean horses, and started down hill. Straight downward they went, past the com ets and stars, Past Mercury, Jupiter, Venus, and Mars. Lord Holt, with a frown, looking mournfully down,