Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 02.pdf/591

 544

LEGAL INCIDENTS.

A GREAT LEGAL VICTORY. "TDRIVATE John Allen," of Mississippi, X who became the wit of the House of Representatives with the death of Sunset Cox, tells a good story on himself of how he came to be a profound lawyer. A party of members were telling yarns in the cloak-room of the House, and when Allen's turn came he told this one: — "I want to tell you of the greatest legal victory of my life," said Allen, as he lighted a cigar and propped his feet against the wall in true Southern style. " It was down in Tupelo, during the trying period just after the war. I was at that time a practising lawyer, — that is, I practised when I had any cases to practise with. One day old 'Uncle' Pompey, one of the old negroes of the settlement, came into my office and said. — "' Mars John, I wants you to cl'ar me. I 'se gwine to be 'rested for stealin' of two hams out en de cross-road store.' "' Well, Pompey,' I asked, ' did you really steal the hams? ' "' Mars John, I just took 'em.' "' Did any one see you? ' I asked. "' Yar, boss,' said the old negro, disconso lately; ' two ole white buckrats.' "' Well, Pompey,' I replied, ' I can't do anything for you under the circumstances.' "' Now, Mars John,' said old Pompey, ' here 's ten dollars. I jist want you to try.' "Well, I consented to try," said Allen. "The case was to be heard before an old magistrate named Johnson. He was totally uneducated, and was moreover a perfect dic tator; and no negro ever came before him who was not fined the maximum penalty, and sent to his field to expiate the crime in the sweat of his brow. "The magistrate heard the case. Every possible proof was brought to show that Pompey stole the hams. There could be no

doubt of it from the testimony. I did not put a single question to any of the wit nesses; but when the testimony was all in I arose, and in my most dignified manner ad dressed the magistrate : — "' May it please your honor, it would be useless for me to argue the position he holds, and before one who would adorn the Supe rior if not the Supreme Court bench of this grand old Commonwealth; and I may say that those who know you best say that you would grace even the Supreme Court of the United States, — the highest tribunal in the land. It will be useless to dwell upon the testimony; you have heard it, and know the case as well as I do. However, it may not be out of order for me to call your honor's at tention to a short passage in the old English law which clearly decides this case, and which for the moment your honor may have forgotten.' "Then I fished down into my pocket and drew forth, with a great flourish, an old copy of ' Julius Caesar.' I opened it with great dignity to the first page, and read the line which is familiar to every schoolboy: 'Om nia Gallia in partes tres divisa est' 'That decides the case,' said I, throwing the book upon the table. ' That clearly acquits the defendant.' "With great dignity and solemnity I then took my seat. The old magistrate was com pletely nonplussed. He looked at me a moment quizzically, and scratched his head; then, turning to Pompey, he raised himself to his full height, and said, — "' Pompey, I know you stole them hams; but by the ingenuity of your lawyer I 've got to let you go. Git out! ' said he, as he planted his No. 9 in the seat of Pompey's trousers; ' and if you ever come here again, lawyer or no lawyer, you git six months.'" — Atlanta Constitution.