Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 01.pdf/147

 126

llie Green Bag.

A witness to a fight between some carriers draw ing turf from a bog was asked what the wit ness was doing when the fight began. He said, "Fencing with others on the side of the road." Judge Ball, who was presiding, at once looked surprised, and asked, "Fencing! with what?" "Spades, my Lord." " Mr. Bennett," said the judge, addressing the leading Crown Counsel, " can this be true, — fencing with spades on the road?" "Quite true, my Lord; but the man was making a fence along the side of the road with the spade." Baron Foster, also, quite mistook the meaning of an Irish account of a bloody affray in which a witness swore " that Mick Doolin gave the beaten man a wipe of his chalpccn [a formidable blud geon] and laid him on the grass." When charg ing the jury, the Baron called their attention to the humane conduct of one of the prisoners, Michael Doolin, who tenderly laid the injured man on the grass and wiped his wound with a clean napkin. Chief Baron O' Grady, afterwards Lord Guillamore, was a great humorist. His brother, Darby O'Grady, asked him if he could prosecute some thieves for stealing his turnips under the Timber Act. " I think not, Darby," replied the Chief Baron, " unless, indeed, the turnips were sticky" Considerable noise prevailed in the court-house in Tralee, and the Chief Baron observed that the sheriff, instead of preserving order, was intently reading a book. At last, when the uproar was in tolerable, the Chief Baron exclaimed, " Mr. Sher iff, if you allow this noise to go on, you 'II never be able to finish your novel in quiet." The larceny of a pair of trousers by a boy be ing fully proved, despite the character for honesty which was produced, the Chief Baron's charge was brief: "Gentlemen of the jury, you have heard the prisoner is an honest boy, but he stole the breeches." A very clear case of highway robbery being proved, and a verdict of " Not Guilty " returned, the angry Chief Baron asked, " Is there any other charge against this honest man? " On being told that there was not, the Chief Baron said, " Mr. Gaoler, as I 'm leaving Tralee on my way to Cork to-day, don't discharge this man until I have half an hour's start of him on the road."

Daniel Ryan Kane, Q. C, late County Court Judge and Recorder of Cork, was very entertain ing, and said good things. An action on a policy of insurance induced the company, who resisted the payment on the ground of fraud, to send a brief to the son of the doctor who was to give evidence to the bad health and habits of the de ceased. On seeing the young barrister for the first time, a member of the circuit asked Mr. Kane, "Is he a special counsel? " " No," replied Kane, "he 's counsel by prescription." Walking one day he met Joshua Clarke, Q. C, with the breast of his coat much torn. Kane instantly thrust his stick into the torn coat, exclaiming, " Rents are enor mous! " On which Clarke promptly replied, "Well, you can't say it is rent in arrear." A case was waiting for argument in the Queen's Bench in which a very prosy Queen's Counsel, Mr. Scott, and Mr. Holmes were retained. On seeing Mr. Scott, the Chief Justice called on him to pro ceed. " I really must ask your Lordship's indul gence," answered Mr. Scott; " I have now been speaking for three hours in the Court of Exchequer, and I need some refreshment." " Of course, Mr. Scott," said the Chief Justice; and Scott left the court. "Now, Mr. Holmes," said the Chief, "you have not been speaking for three hours in the Court of Exchequer; so we 'll be happy to hear you." "Oh, my Lord, I beg to be excused; I am very tired too," replied Mr. Holmes. " Why, what has tired you? " asked the Chief. " Listening to Mr. Scott," was the answer. The following bon mot of Baron Alderson deserves to be recorded. When asked, " What use were the javelin-men who accompanied the High Sheriff to escort the judge into the Assize town?" the witty Baron, replied, " I really don't know, unless to help me charge the Grand Jury." — Pump Court.

In a case, not long since, an honest farmer was complained of for maintaining a nuisance in the shape of a piggery, the neighbors claiming that said piggery was detrimental to their health. At the trial the rustic gentleman argued his own case, and summed up as follows : " The neighbors say, your Honor, that hogs is unhealthy; I say they ain't. Look at me; ain' t 1 healthy I"' The appli cation of his argument was, naturally, somewhat different from what he intended.