Page:The Granite Monthly Volume 10.djvu/50

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��Abraham Lincoln.

��not always go^gether. One r quires a deep, re- flective vein; the other a reflection like a mirror. Lincoln Uiil not have that quickness which is indis- pensable to true wit, and yet no man was ever pos- sesst^d of a deeper sense of humor.

£[-en as a young man he was known as a s'ory teller, and this reputation grew as he grew u?itil his hearers were not couflned to an II inois circuit, but embraced the gr«'at republic He was the life of the old time law courts and his quaint ftories attr cted more attention than his briefs or argu- ments. A good story teller, or a man who s es something Uiimorous in the phases ot life, is likely to be underestimate I by the people at large. They look upon him as a man of trivial mind, as one who weighs li:ihtly the great problems of human afE.iirs, and withhold from hi o that measure of confidence which an innocent spirit of humor oufjht to invite rather than repel. Had the wise men of the East been fully aware of Lincdn's exceeding love of story telling, he might never have been president. The Western people are nearer nature than we are, and Lincoln was their idol.

Charles Sumner was cO'upletely disgusted when Lincoln, after lirteiiing to a long talk from the distinguished senator, made ho leply, but slowiy nnfulding liirasel I, proposed to measure heights. Sumner had neither wit, humor, nor imagination, and Lincoln was an enigma to him. So with Stan- ton. On the evening oi that eventful election day in Xoveraher, 1864, wren all the power of the War and the other departments had been employed to secure his reelection, Lincoln and Stanton wei-e eagerly reading the returns as sent to them by pri- vate wire. 'Ihe cuspense was territile, for the fate of the country seemed to be wavering in the \y.\\- ance. Durin : a lu'.l in the Ciicuing, Lincoln pulled out •> yellow pamphlet from his pocket : nd b'.gan reading exti acts from Petroleum V. Nasby. He read and chuckled, only pausiOi; now and then to con a return. Th s euraiied Btantou beyond measure, and calling one of his assistants a>ide the secretary gave expression to his wrath. The idea that a man whose country's safety was at issue coulil s t calmly by an i read such balderdash was to him [-imply damnable.

W hen Lord Lyons, the British minster, called on Lincoln, and pie.-ente i him with an iiutogriph letter from the Queen, announcing the marriage of the Prince of Wales, and added that whatever response the presidi nt mitht make would be im- mediately sent to her majesty, Mr. Lincoln in- stan ly replied to the old bachelor minister, "Lyons»go thou and do likewise."

DigtdiV Lincoln had none, and he never pretend- ed that he had. He was tall, auirular, and awk- ward, his hands and feet were large, his f ce w as bony and inr e had inide furroWs all over it. Na- ture made him like a scare''row and endowed him like a god At timea Lincoln told stories just as men indulge in any pustime. He was a temperate man, aii'l the cup had no attractions for him. He was not a r adiiig man, and higher literature af - foi ded hi M no solace. His recreation was in hu- mor. Even in the dark days ot the war he fou'd time to indu'ge i st iry telling, an<l no one was mere welcome to his eveidngs than the man of racy tongue. I reio lect iha tl'el te ."Senator Nesmith of Oregon, him-elf a wit and humorist of the first or- der, si owed me a slip of paper on whieh was writ- ten: "Dear Nesmitli, come abound to-night with your la'est. A. Lincoln."

Thepe men spent hours together, not in discuss- inir state crait or i)liiining p'licies, but in unre- strained good fel owship, for these stories were Lincoln's grea' safeguards in moments of mental depression. These stories served him many a gO' d turn in his presidetitial ottii e, and by tittinvr some ludi' rous story to the occasion he saved himself and his ailministration from (!• wnritdit enibarras- ment. As a so't answer turneth away wrath, so would one or his funny stories. He had a great forte ill makin analogies. When Grant showed hin» the Dutch Gap cana', and explained how an explosion had thrown the earth back and filled up a part already completed, he turned to Grant and said : " I'his reminds me of a blacksmith out in

��Illinois. One ''ay he took a piece of soft iron, and starting up a fire b^gan to heat it. When he got it hot he be :an to hammer it, thinking he would make it into an agricultural implement. But after pounding away he found that the iron would not hold out. Then he put it back in the fortce, heated it, and began hammering it with the inten- tion of making a cUw hammer. But he came to the conclusion that there was more iron than he ni eded. Again he heated it and thought he would make an axe. After hammering and welding it into shape he concluded there was not enough of the iron left to make an axe that would be of any use. He wa-i disgusted at his repeated attempts, besides being weary. So he filled up his lorge full of coal and worked up a tremeodoirs blast, bring- ing the iron to a white heat. Then with his tongs he lifted it from the bed of coals and plunging it into a tub of water, exclaimed, 'There, by gosh ; if I can't make anything else of you I can make a fizzle anyhow.' "

Just after he was nominated in 1860, a prominent Mason called on him at .Springdeldand said : "Of course y u expect all the Masons to vote against you, Mr. Lincoln !"

'•No, why?"

"Because all the other presidential candidates are Masons."

"Hless me !" exclaimed old Abe, "is that so?"

"Certiinly," said the visitor. "Bell has taken all the degrees, and is a member of the Grand Lodge of I'ennessee ; Breckenridge is an officer of tlie Grand Lodge of Kentucky, and Douglas — why he is gran I orator of the Grand i odge ot lUi- noi — ri ht h re under your nose. "

iVIr. Lincoln turned round in his chair, laid his legs across the to 1 of the table, luighed, rubbed his face, stuck his finge-s through iiis hair, and said : 'Joho, you have been down in Sangamon county a good deal yourself."

"Well, yes," a im.tted the visitor, "sorry to say I have frequented t lat locality "

"I am reminded," s dd Mr. Lincoln, "of an inci- dent that occurred there. X woman who was a real hard case was a witness, and the lawyer, bound to get even, asked her. 'Are you a virtuous woman, nudaiu ?' She was slightly surprised and Slid, 'That, sir, is a very hard question to ask a lady who is a witriess before a public court.' He rose and repe ited the question sternly She still evaded it. but when he persisted, she fin illy an- swered : This much I will sny— that I have a great respect for the insti uti"n.' "

Once a war governor went to him in a towering Dassion; he li'erally had bl )od in his eye. His in- terview wi h Stanton had b en stormy, and he be- took himself to the president. A few days after one of the officials who had witnessed the scene asked Mr. Lincoln how he had managed the irate governor. '•\Vell,"siid the presi<leot, laughing, "do you know how the Illinois farmer managed the log that lay in the middle of his field? It was too big to h;iul out, too knotty to split, and too wet a'd Soggy to burn. Well I will tell you how he got rid of it. He ploughed round it. I ploughed round the governor, but it took three mortal hours to do it nnd I was afraid every minute he would see what I was at."

At the time of Gen. Cameron's retirement from the cabinet the Republican senators thought a re- construction of the entire cabinet w s advisable, therefcu'e, a committee waited on the president and requ sted him to make the chinge. LinC'iln lis- tened patiently and then said the request rendnd- ed him of a story. A farmer was mhcli troabled by skunks They annoyed him exceedingly. Fi- nally he got out his old shot-gun and lai<l in wait for the midnight assas-ins. His wife dstened in- tently for the report of the gun. At la«t it cracked on the still nitiht. The man came in, and his wife asked him what luck he had. "Well," said the old loan, "I hid behind a woodpile, and soon seven skunk- came along. I blazed away and killed one, but he ra sed sin-h a fearful smell that I concluded it was best to let the other six go!" The digi.ified senators saw the point and took their departure.

Lincoln could not bear to put his signature to

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