Page:The Granite Monthly Volume 10.djvu/26

 1 6 A 'Jail Adventure.

vised me to promise to sign the pledge, is prejudicially and unqualifiedly false,

^d 'go on probation ; ' another sug- ' Rum, my dear brother in misfortune,

gested that it was proper to 'squeal is what does the business for us!' on the seller,' and thus go free ; while "The wretched and disorderly

still another, — a sort of patriarch in specimens of humanity in the other

law-breaking, and a person whose cages were divided on this point,

greatest weakness was an inordinate Some said ' That's so,' but the greater

affection for the flowing bowl, — ob- number groaned, and declared that

served that the court had soured on the speaker was • too-too for his busi-

most suffering and deserving human- ness ;' while the moment the hilarity

ity, and therefore I might consider ceased a moderate spoken individual

myself lucky if I got off with six of fifty, who pretended to deprecate

month at the famous watering (hie) the levity of the gentlemen, who, 'for

place known in the county as the reasons best known to the polite and

Mountain House. efficient gentlemen of the police de-

"The most crushing blow, how- partment of our growing and enter- ever, came from a miserable woman prising city,' were cruelly, and with on the other side of the corridor, malice aforethought, denied the privi- 'Why, yes it is!' she exclaimed, lege of American citizens to witness hysterically. 'It is my long lost the procession, insisted that he rec- brother ! And to think, Dennis, that ognized in me a member of congress, you should come to this ! Alas, for a wise statesman, and sympathizing the good advice which I have given friend of the deserving poor and you! All wasted!' needy. 'Fellow-citizens, who, like

"Her speech was hailed with every myself, have come to this extremity

mark of approbation ; in fact, the because of the men who broke the

whole motley crew bellowed like banks, and who are still at large, we

fiends infernal. must dissemble. This gentleman in

"There was a pause in the pro- number ten was committed at his ceedings, and I had begun to congrat- own request. He has taken this ulate myself on the end of their un- method of ascertaining facts and in- seemly conduct, when a human dwarf, formation that, when fully evolved — clean shaved, and evidently a per- and established, will undoubtedly re- son who had spent a good share suit in needed reforms in the maiiage- of his days behind prison bars, — in- ment of city, county, and state board- sisted on being informed, 'privately ing-houses, and thereby ameliorate in an' 'pon honor,' whether or no there a large degree the suffering of the was a woman in the scrape. He had, members of a worthy class of well so he said, ironically, been gathering meaning but shockingly misguided statistics for a number of years, and fraternity known among men of let- was now prepared to demonstrate to ters, and those bummers of the daily a nicety, before any unprejudiced tri- newspapers, as law-breakers. My bunal, that the statement going the dear sir, accept our apology for the rounds of the press that the dear sex rude reception you have received are mixed up in most of man's crimes among us.'

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