Page:The Fruit of the Tree (Wharton 1907).djvu/500

Rh She was even sure that, when she told him, he would appreciate her reasons for not telling him before.…

For now of course he must know everything—this horrible letter made it inevitable. She regretted that she had decided, though for the best of reasons, not to speak to him of her own accord; for it was intolerable that he should think of any external pressure as having brought her to avowal. But no! he would not think that. The understanding between them was so complete that no deceptive array of circumstances could ever make her motives obscure to him. She let herself rest a moment in the thought.…

Presently she heard him moving in the next room—he had come back to dress for dinner. She would go to him now, at once—she could not bear this weight on her mind the whole evening. She pushed back her chair, crumpling the letter in her hand; but as she did so, her eyes again fell on her reﬂection. She could not go to her husband with such a face! If she was not afraid, why did she look like that?

Well—she was afraid! It would be easier and simpler to admit it. She was afraid—afraid for the ﬁrst time—afraid for her own happiness! She had had just eight months of happiness—it was horrible to think of losing it so soon.… Losing it? But why should she lose it? The letter must have affected her brain … all her thoughts were in a blur of fear.… Fear of [ 484 ]