Page:The Female-Impersonators 1922 book scan.djvu/169

Rh arrival in my own snug harbor, the first thing I did—as always—was to fall to my knees and bless Providence for permitting me to see home again.

For several hours, I could not sleep. Every moment I felt as if I would lapse into insane raving. Every moment I besought God to show mercy on a persecuted outcast. I reflected on my lot: To go through life as a cordially hated bisexual. That was my cross, and I repeated over and over again—in my struggle to save myself from insanity—the identic prayer that I had at fifteen repeated over and over again on the night I had consecrated myself, and been consecrated by the brethren of the puritan church to which I then belonged, to be a preacher of the Gospel: ""Jesus, I my cross have taken,

All to leave and follow Thee;

Naked, poor, despised, forsaken,

Thou from hence my all shalt be:

Perish every fond ambition,

All I've sought and hoped and known;

Yet how rich is my condition,

God and heaven are still my own!""

Immediately following later similar assaults, I have had to have my wounds dressed by a physician before seeking my room, and on one occasion had to enter a hospital. But on this occasion I waited until the following morning to summon my physician. He made one significant remark: "It would be worse than useless for you to try to prosecute your assailant. The court would immediately turn around and prosecute you as a felon!"

For two weeks I had to keep to my room. Never