Page:The Family Album.pdf/69



HEN Aunt Beenie's old man got the gambling fever and swiped the traction company car hoss his wife left him. But the old man didn't miss her expenses, because he had to buy oats for the hoss, which ate almost as much as a wife.

Being a car hoss, the old hatrack wouldn't gallop unless he had a motorman on one and a conductor on the other. The extra weight finally bent the hoss's spine so much that he looked like a scenic railway at Coney Island.

They lost the biggest race of the year because the hoss stopped at each turn to take on passengers.

In the homestretch the old man and his conductor started to fight because the conductor was jerking plenty of nickels, but no bellrope.

That wound up the turf business. All the old boy had left was his jockey outfit and a whip, which ain't much good to-day with all these flivvers run-