Page:The Family Album.pdf/34

26 Being skilled in verbal persiflage, Riley would say, “What’s it to me?”

The barkeep then would chirp, “One words leads to another.”

That was Riley’s opening.

He would say, “I’d give my right eye for a drink.”

The bartender, if he was a good bartender and had the interests of his employer at heart, would say, “I doesn’t seem enough.”

Then Riley would get his drink and pick out his glass peeper and lay it on the bar. It wasn’t his right eye but his left. In the confusion very few bartenders noticed the diplomatic error.

The bartender would put the agate lamp in the cash register and ring up “No Sale” on the keys.

Then Riley would thank him with a few well chosen oaths and saunter out on the bouncer’s boot.

He would then select an appropriate filler for his vacant eye and continue on to the next head-