Page:The English humourists of the eighteenth century. A series of lectures, delivered in England, Scotland, and the United States of America (IA englishhumourist00thacrich).pdf/85

 fools thro' fortune; and honesty will go as it did, frost-nipt in a summer suit. Ask me questions concerning to-morrow. Scandal.—Ask him, Mr. Foresight. Foresight.—Pray what will be done at Court? Valentine.—Scandal will tell you;—I am truth, I never come there. Foresight.—In the city? Valentine.—Oh, prayers will be said in empty churches at the usual hours. Yet you will see such zealous faces behind counters, as if religion were to be sold in every shop. Oh, things will go methodically in the city, the clocks will strike twelve at noon, and the horn'd herd buz in the Exchange at two. Husbands and wives will drive distinct trades, and care and pleasure separately occupy the family. Coffee-houses will be full of smoke and stratagem. And the cropt prentice that sweeps his master's shop in the morning, may, ten to one, dirty his sheets before night. But there are two things, that you will see very strange; which are, wanton wives with their legs at liberty, and tame cuckolds with chains about their necks. But hold, I must examine you before I go further; you look suspiciously. Are you a husband? Foresight.—I am married. Valentine.—Poor creature! Is your wife of Covent-garden Parish? Foresight.—No; St. Martin's-in-the-Fields. Valentine.—Alas, poor man! his eyes are sunk, and his hands shrivelled; his leggs dwindled, and his back bow'd. Pray, pray, for a metamorphosis—change thy shape, and shake off age; get the Medea's kettle and be boiled anew; come forth with lab'ring callous hands, and chine of steel, and Atlas' shoulders. Let Taliacotius trim the calves of twenty chairmen, and make the pedestals to stand erect upon, and look matrimony in the face. Ha, ha, ha! That a man should have a stomach to a wedding supper, when the pidgeons ought rather to be laid to his feet! ha, ha, ha! Foresight.—His frenzy is very high now, Mr. Scandal. Scandal.—I believe it is a spring-tide. Foresight.—Very likely—truly; you understand these matters. Mr. Scandal, I shall be very glad to confer with you about these things he has uttered. His sayings are very mysterious and hieroglyphical. Valentine.—Oh! why would Angelica be absent from my eyes so long? and daring,—any more than I could ask you to hear the dialogue of a witty bargeman and a brilliant