Page:The Dial (Volume 75).djvu/533

Rh "It's either despair or repentance," he decided.

He wished with all his heart that she would go, for he had become weary beyond endurance. The quality of mercy is not strained, but pity is another and a more fragile thing. He was tired of the pity she aroused in him; he wanted to be rid of her and to forget her.

"I can't help her," he thought. "And I can't stand the sight of the poor little devil. I'm not capable of an impersonal interest in misery."

But as surely as if she clung round his neck she held him with her chatter. He saw clearly enough a monstrous claim being made upon him, extending into an indefinite future. And he had already paid so dear to be free of claims! In moody silence he brought her back to the door of her room and said “good-night,” knowing well that he could not avoid her, that he would have to endure the most profound weariness and even unhappiness, not because of any faintest liking for her, but because he was by nature unable to hurt her.

The next evening she knocked at his door.

"I brought you a nice little bit of supper I just cooked," she whispered, glancing round like a conspirator. With profuse thanks he retired into the room, and locking the door, slid the stuff off the plate into a paper bag.

"This must end!" he thought, scowling. Nevertheless, he had not the courage to go out to dinner for hours, until he was nearly famished, and when he returned, the certainty that she was waiting and longing to speak to him was too much for him.

She opened her door instantly.

"Here's your plate," he said, "and thanks very much."

His air of polite finality was only too successful; the look in her eyes was terrible.

"Oh, that's all right!" she said, airily, and turned away to hide her tears.

"No!" he said, hastily. "I— Look here! Please!"

"Oh, that's all right!" she repeated, still more gaily, and he saw her shoulders twitch in a sob like a shudder. It was unendurable. He came a step or two nearer and lightly touched her arm.

"You know we're neighbours," he said, inanely.

She turned back then, with tears in her eyes, but smiling radiantly.