Page:The Czar, A Tale of the Time of the First Napleon.djvu/350

340 Alexander was not a man who could hear or answer such a question without emotion. For a time he was silent, apparently questioning his own heart. Then "it seemed as if a dark veil was lifted from his face," and he looked up and answered, "Yes, I am happy—I am very happy. I have peace, even the peace of God. I am a great sinner; but since Madame"—glancing towards Madame de Krudener, who was present—"has shown me that Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost, I know and believe that my sins are pardoned. The Word of God says that he who believes in the Son of God—in God the Saviour—is passed from death unto life, and shall not come into condemnation. I believe; yes, I have faith." Two words were at this time often on his lips—"I am very happy," and "I am a great sinner." They supplied the double key-note of his inner life. His joy in the forgiving Christ kept pace with his sorrow for the sins that had grieved him; the one grew and deepened in the same proportion as the other.

Years afterwards he said to a friend—tracing his conversion, it is interesting to observe, not merely to his conversations with Madame de Krudener, but to the whole course of God's dealings with him from the time of the burning of Moscow—"Since then I have known God as the Holy Scriptures have revealed him. Then I learned to understand, and I understand now, his will and his law; and the resolution to consecrate to him only, and to his glory, my life and my reign has ripened and strengthened within me. Since then I have become another man; to the deliverance of Europe from her ruin I owe my own salvation and deliverance. It is only since Christianity has become important above all things else to me, since faith in the Redeemer has been manifested in me, that his peace—for which I thank God—has entered into my soul. Ah, but I did not arrive there at once: the path by which I was led stretched across many a conflict and many a doubt."

It was no wonder that now he found it less difficult than