Page:The Complete Works of Lyof N. Tolstoi - 08 (Crowell, 1899).djvu/391

Rh regard to life, and by his temptations, he had only destroyed in himself the possibility of a true life.

"I do not wish to destroy life; I wish to live, to go on the path of life," he said to himself.

He remembered all that Pamphilius had said to him in their former interviews, and it seemed to him now so clear and indubitable that he was amazed that he could ever have believed in the stranger, and have renounced his intention of going to the Christians. He remembered also what the stranger had said to him:—

"Go when you have had experience of life."

"Well, I have had experience of life, and found nothing in it."

He also remembered how Pamphilius had said to him that whenever he should come to them they would be glad to receive him.

"No, I have erred and suffered enough," he said to himself. "I will renounce everything, and I will go to them and live as it says here."

He communicated his plan to his wife, and she was delighted with his intention. She was ready for everything. The only thing left was to decide how to carry it into execution. What should they do with the children? Should they take them along or leave them with their grandmother? How could they take them? How, after the tenderness of their nurture, subject them to all the trials of an austere life? The slave-woman proposed to accompany them. But the mother was troubled about her children, and declared that it would be better to leave them with their grandmother, and go alone. And they both decided to do this.

All was determined, and nothing but Julius' illness prevented its fulfilment.

this condition of mind Julius fell asleep. The next morning he was told that a skilful physician traveling through the city desired to see him, and promised to