Page:The Comic English Grammar.djvu/56

52 derived from the mode of prehension, or rather apprehension characteristic of the New Police, as it is one very much in the mouths of those who most frequently come in contact with that body: to "liquor," or drink; to "grub," or eat; to "sell," or deceive, &c.

Under the head of Verbs Comic, the Yankeeisms, I "calculate," I "reckon," I "realise," I "guess," and the like, may also be properly enumerated.

Auxiliary, or helping Verbs (by the way we marvel that the New Englanders do not call their servants auxiliaries instead of helps) are those, by the help of which we are chiefly enabled to conjugate our verbs in English. They are, do, be, have, shall, will, may, can, with their variations; and let and must, which have no variation.

Let, however, when it is anything but a helping verb, as, for instance, when it signifies to hinder, makes lettest and letteth. The phrase, "This House to Let," generally used instead of "to be let," meaning in fact, the reverse of what is intended to convey, is really a piece of comic English.

To verbs belong Number, Person, Mood, and Tense. These may be called the properties of a verb; and like those of opium, they are soporiferous properties. There are two very important objects which the writer of every book has, or ought to have in view, to get a reader who is wide awake, and to keep him so:—the latter of which, when Number, Person, Mood, and Tense are to be treated of, is no such easy matter; seeing that the said writer is then in some danger of going to sleep himself. Never mind. If we nod, let the reader wink. What can't be cured must be endured.