Page:The Comic English Grammar.djvu/15

 Mwas blue-eyed Minerva, with stockings to match, Nwas Nestor, with grey beard and silvery thatch; Owas lofty Olympus, King Jupiter's shop, P,Parnassus, Apollo hung out on its top; Qstood for Quirites, the Romans, to wit; R,for rantipole Roscius, that made such a hit; S,for Sappho, so famous for felo-de-se, T,for Thales the wise, F. R. S. and M. D: Uwas crafty Ulysses, so artful a dodger, Vwas hop-a-kick Vulcan, that limping old codger; Wenus—Venus I mean—with a W begins, (Vell, if I ham a Cockney, wot need of your grins?) Xwas Xantippe, the scratch-cat and shrew, Y,I don't know what Y was, whack me if I do! Zwas Zeno the Stoic, Zenobia the clever, And Zoilus the critic, whose fame lasts forever.

Letters are divided into Vowels and Consonants. The vowels are capable of being perfectly uttered by themselves. They are, as it were, independent members of the Alphabet, and like independent members elsewhere, form a small minority. The vowels are a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes w and y.

An I. O. U. is a more pleasant thing to have, than it is to give.

A blow in the stomach is very likely to W up.

W is a consonant when it begins a word, as "Wicked Will Wiggins whacked his wife with a whip;" but in every other place it is a vowel, as crawling, drawling, sawney, screwing, Jew. Y follows the same rule.

A consonant is an articulate sound; but, like an old bachelor, if it exists alone, it exists to no purpose.