Page:The Comic English Grammar.djvu/146

142 own style in this particular unfortunate resemble his, be sure to alter it immediately.

Never dance à la cuisiniére, that is to say, do not cut capers.

Eschew large shirt pins.

Never say "Ma'am" or "Miss," in addressing a young lady. If you cannot contrive to speak to her without doing so, say nothing.

Never, under any circumstances, let the abbreviation "gent." for gentleman, escape the enclosure of your teeth. Above all things, for the sake of whatever you hold most dear, never say "me and another gent."

When you receive a coin of any kind, deposit it at once in your pocket, without the needless preliminary of furling it in the air.

Never ask a gentleman how much he has a-year.

In speaking of a person of your own age, or of an elderly gentleman, do not say, Old So-and-so, but So-and-so, or Mr. So-and-so, as the case may be: and have no nicknames for each other. We were much horrified not long since, by hearing a great coarse fellow, in a leathern hat and fustian jacket, exclaim, turning round to his companion, "Now, then, come along, old Blokey!"

When you have got a cold in the head and weak eyes, do not go and call on young ladies.

Do not eat gravy with a knife, for fear those about you should suppose you to be going to commit suicide.

In offering to help a person at dinner, do not say, "Allow me to assist you." When you ask people what wine they will take, never say, "What'll you have?" or, "What'll you do it in?"