Page:The Black Cat November 1916.djvu/26

22 'Outrageous, I repeat. Let me warn you that I will pay no fine, sir. First I will rot in one of your filthy jails."

"Ye were runnin' at the rate of fifty miles an hour, contrary to one of the shtatutes of this shtate, the number of which I disremember" Terry answered without show of spirit.

"You are mistaken, sir. I was not running a mile over thirty-flve," asserted he who would rot in jail.

"Well, thirty's the limit," said Terry. "Bring yer machine off the highway. Ye'll be blockin' traffic."

Court convened. Preliminaries over.

"Mr. Plethore," said I, "you have heard the charge of 'Constable Burk.' What have you to say?"

Mr. Plethore had a great deal to say. He directed a tirade of invectives against the State of New Jersey—the integrity of its judiciary; the honesty of its people, (called them leeches, vampires, and sand-burrs), and their culture; and deeply into the tender flesh of its traditions, he jabbed the harpoon of coarse irony. Vocabulary of abuse exhausted, he paused.

"You seem to forget that you are in the presence of the court," I reminded.

"Court!" he howled. "A court of grafters, I should call it."

"Foine him for contimpt" whispered Terry.

"Enough said, my friend," I warned the defendant, assuming a mien of legal severity. "You are fined ten dollars for contempt of court, and ten dollars and costs for speeding. And if the fine does not have the effect of civilizing your tongue, we will try harsher measures."

"I desire to enter an appeal," he stated with the wheeze of an exhausting gas-bag.

"You may do so," I bluffed. "Bear in mind, however, that your remarks relative to the courts of this state will not look well on the records. You have your rights, nevertheless, so we will enter an appeal." Mr. Plethore engrossed himself in deep thought.

"Your Honor," said he, for the first time, and in melliferous tones, "an apology is due you. Permit me to offer it humbly and sincerely. This matter has annoyed and inconvenienced me more than you can imagine; and it is clear that I have allowed my temper to overrule my better judgment. Permit me to rid myself of the unpleasant incident. Will you kindly vacate the appeal? I have but fifteen dollars in cash on my person; will you accept my cheque for the balance?"

"Your apology alters the aspect of the case," I said. "Appeal not entered. Your fine for speeding is reduced to seven fifty and costs, and the law will consider its dignity upheld by a five instead of a ten dollar fine. Fifteen dollars removes your obligation to the court. Thank you. May we meet again under less embarrassing circumstances. Bon Voyage!"

Mr. Plethore and his little Ford rambled on. As he moved off, I noted on his brow a cumulus of anger. So did Terry.

"Dave," said Terry, "it's about toime for us to be hittin' the grit. If Oi'm any judge of human nature, Mr. Plethore is goin' to bawl us out to ivery traveller he meets. Complications are inivitable, as me friend the poet ixprisses it. A half hour hince,