Page:The Adventures of David Simple (1904).djvu/133

 to the true lovers of ridicule: the conversation turned  mostly on the characters of the men  best known about town. Mr. Varnish, for that was this gentleman's name, found something praiseworthy in everybody who was mentioned; he dropped all their faults, talked of nothing but their good qualities, and sought out good motives for every action that had any appearance of bad. He turned extravagance into generosity, avarice into prudence, and so on, through the whole catalogue of virtues and vices; and when he was pushed so home on any person's faults, that he could not entirely justify them, but would only say, indeed, they were not what he could wish them; however, he was sure they had some good in them. On the contrary, Spatter fell to cutting up every fresh person who was brought on the carpet, without any mercy. He loaded them with blemishes, was silent on all their perfections, imputed good actions to bad motives; looked through the magnifying glass on all their defects, and through the other end of the perspective on every thing commendable in them: and, quite opposite to Mr. Varnish, he always spoke in the affirmative when he was condemning; and in the negative when he was forced, in spite of himself, to allow the unfortunate wretch, whom he was so horribly mauling, any good qualities. If the reader has a mind to have a lively idea of this scene, let him imagine to himself a contention between a painter, who is finishing his favourite piece, and a man who places his delight in throwing dirt; as fast as the one employs his art to make it, beautiful, and hide its blemishes, the other comes with shoals of dirt, and bespatters it all over. And poor David was in the situation of a man who was to view the piece, which had thus alternately been touched by the pencil, and daubed with mud, till it was impossible to guess what it originally was. Or