Page:TheParadiseOfTheChristianSoul.djvu/690

 But shall  I,  then,  set  my face  against  Heaven,  or  gainsay the  words  of  the  Holy One? Nay, rather  will  I say: The  Lord  has  given me health  and  strength,  &amp;c.; the Lord  has  taken  them away. As has  pleased  the Lord, so  is  it  done: blessed be the  name  of  the  Lord. So I say, O Lord,  and  so  I feel. Thou art  just,  O Lord,  and thy judgment  is  right; and assuredly I had  deserved  even worse. Were I compelled  to be  the  judge  of  my  own  deserts, I could  take  away  none of the  pain  which  I suffer.

Therefore I acknowledge the hand  of  a Father  who chastises in  mercy,  not  the right hand  of  a Judge  who punishes in  wrath. But this one  thing  I beg  of  thee, most merciful  Father,  to  remember what  thy  frail  and feeble creature  can  bear  without fainting: nothing  indeed of itself,  but  all  things  by  thee, if strengthened  by  thy  grace.

Give me  therefore  strength, that I may  suffer  and  endure: for I desire  patience,  of  which I stand in  the  utmost  need. Give me,  then,  O Lord,  patience; and  behold,  my  heart is ready,  O God,  my  heart  is ready,  to  receive  whatsoever is laid  upon  me; so  that  it  is even  a consolation  to  me, that, in  afflicting  me  with pain, thou  dost  not  spare. Grant, O Lord,  that  in  my  patience I may  possess  my  soul; and to  this  end  I will  often look upon  the  face  of  Christ thy Son,  that,  as  he  has  suffered in  the  flesh  things  so great  and  terrible,  I too  may endeavour to  be  armed  with the same  thought. He became obedient  unto  death, even the  death  of  the  Cross. I have not  yet  resisted  unto blood, — yet I feel  the  force  of my  suffering,  when  the  pangs of disease  and  the  sorrows  of death  rush  in  upon  me.

Therefore will  I keep  my strength  to  thee: for  thou art my  Strength  and  my  Refuge; thou  art  the  Protector of my  life. Prove me,  O Lord,  and  try  me; burn  my reins  and  my  heart; that  I may  be  found  in  some  measure worthy  of  thee,  like  gold that has  been  proved  in  the furnace. I know, indeed, that the  sufferings  of  this time are  not  worthy  to  be compared  with  the  glory  to come,  that  shall  be  revealed in us:  but  I know,  too,  that as Christ  was  to  suffer,  and so to  enter  into  his  glory,  so also  shall  the  Christian  that does not  conform  himself  to his  Head,  and  pass  through fire and  water,  not  be brought  out  into  refreshment. Behold, now,  O Lord, I am in  the  fire: for  how long, is  at  thy  disposal. Meantime, keep me,  thou  who keptest unharmed  the  three