Page:TheParadiseOfTheChristianSoul.djvu/55

 most needest  heavenly  aid. Have a definite  aim,  and  upon this let  your  mind  and  your wishes be  entirely  fixed. True, indeed, it  is  that  I,  who  know all the  secrets  of  the  heart, know what  thou  needest. But this I would  have  thee  know thyself also,  that  the  knowledge  of  thy  own  necessity and poverty  may  be  a goad and a spur  to  urge  thee  to more  fervent  and  more  earnest prayer. Otherwise thou  wilt be while  thou  prayest  like  one beating the  air,  casting  thy arrows aimless  into  empty space. It will  be  right  for thee to  remember  this  in  thy other prayers  also,  whether of thanksgiving  or  of  praise.

. How  sweet,  O Lord, to my  lips,  sweeter  than  honey to my  mouth,  are  thy  words, with which  thou  so  gently and lovingly  teachest  me  to pray. But alas! I will confess my  foolishness  before  the Lord, and  will  utter  my  trouble before  Him. For why, wretched man  that  I am, should I hide  my  misery  from thee, who  seest  into  the  heart within, and  from  whom  my faults  are  not  concealed? But what I bewail  is  this,  that  the heart of  thy  servant  so  seldom pours out  its  prayer  before thee with  earnestness  and  sincerity, so  greatly  is  it  carried away by  the  cares  and  anxieties of  the  world. Alas, how often I come  to  prayer  without spirit  and  understanding, and  pray  for  I know  not  what!

The tongue  prays,  but  the mind is  unfruitful. I pray from a mere  barren  custom, scarcely ever  remembering the object  of  my  prayer,  which should be  thy  glory,  or  my own  salvation. I am too  heedless  how  I may  duly  and  reverently pray  for  victory  over my sins,  and  the  attainment  of the  necessary  virtues. Spare me, O Lord,  our  true  High Priest, who  only  knowest  how to bear  with  our  infirmities, for thou  knowest  our  frame.

Thou seest  that  now,  alas,  as of  old,  the  thoughts  and  affections of  man  incline  to  evil from his  youth. For the  corruptible body  weighs  down the soul,  and  the  earthly  dwelling presses  down  the  spirit, which would  think,  seek, and taste  only  the  things  of heaven. And what  is  more wonderful, or  rather  more piteous, so  wretched  am  I, that  I experience  this  misery most at  the  time  of  prayer; the very  time  that  I ought most to  seek  of  thee  a cure for my  ills  and  my  sorrows: for then  a thousand  anxieties assault me,  my  thoughts  are scattered, and  they  wring  my heart. Oh, how  I inwardly suffer while  thinking  on  heavenly things,  when  a crowd of carnal  things  break  in  upon me as  I pray. I desire to  be intent  on  heavenly  things,  but those of  earth  and  unmortified affections  weigh  me down.

Thus am  I tossed  on  this