Page:Teleny, or The Reverse of the Medal, t. II.djvu/34

 "How, when, and where?

"With His fiery finger, when He made that coup de théâtre on Mount Sinai?

"If so, why was He tempting me beyond my strength?

"Would any father induce a beloved child to disobey him, simply to have the pleasure of chastising him afterwards? Would any man deflower his own daughter, not out of lust, but only to taunt her with her incontinence? Surely, if such a man ever lived, he was after Jehovah's own image.

"No, life is only worth living as long as it is pleasant. To me, just then, it was a burden. The passion I had tried to stifle, and which was merely smouldering, had burst out with renewed strength, entirely mastering me. That crime could therefore only be overcome by another. In my case suicide was not only allowable, but laudable—nay, heroic.

"What did the Gospel say? 'If thine eye …' and so forth.

"All these thoughts whirled through my mind like little fiery snakes. Before me in the