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6 | Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada schools. It heard from teachers who fought on behalf of students. Teachers spoke of how they came to question their own work: to wonder about the lack of resources and the wisdom of attempting to change a people's culture.

Church representatives spoke about the difficult experience of learning such distressing truths about their own church's past. They are struggling to rethink their theology and their mission in an effort to right the relationship between their church and Aboriginal peoples.

Many former students also expressed gratitude for the education they received, and spoke of the long-lasting relations that had developed between some teachers and students, and especially among the students themselves, who became family away from home.

The Commission also heard about the fun that children had in school. In the presence of a dedicated teacher, some children experienced the pleasure of learning. While traditional Aboriginal games were undermined, many told of how they survived through their participation in sports or the arts. In some cases, particularly in more recent years, parents had sent them to school to learn the skills needed to make a contribution on behalf of their people. The Commission heard about how these students made, and are continuing to make, those contributions.

Survivors described what happened after they left the schools. People no longer felt connected to their parents or their families. In some cases, they said they felt ashamed of themselves, their parents, and their culture. The Commission heard from children who found it difficult to forgive their parents for sending them to residential school. Parents told the Commission of the heartbreak of having to send their children away, and of the difficulties that emerged while they were away and when they returned.

Some said they felt useless in their community. Still others compared themselves to lost souls, unable to go forward, unable to go back. Many people lost years of their lives to alcohol, to drugs, or to the streets as they sought a way to dull the pain of not belonging anywhere. Deprived of their own sense of self-worth, people told us, they had spent decades wandering in despair. People spoke of the former students who met violent ends: in accidents, at the hands of others, or, all too often, at their own hands.

Some people still find themselves reliving the moments of their victimization. For them, residential schools are not part of the past, but vivid elements of their daily life. Sights, sounds, foods, and even individuals can trigger painful memories.

People spoke of how the residential school left them hardened. People were determined not to cry or show emotion, not to react to discipline. People said that the prospect of going to jail had been of little consequence to them because they had already been through hard times at residential school and were familiar with the feeling of being locked up and isolated.

The government broke up families by sending children to residential school. The people who left the schools said they had not been given the skills needed to keep their families together. They had difficulty in showing love. Having known only harsh discipline, they treated their children harshly. People spoke of incredible anger, the damage it did to them and caused them to inflict on others. The abused often became abusers: husbands, wives, parents, children all fell victim.

People and communities have been left with the burden of pain and the responsibility of healing. It was left to the former students and their families to regain their voice. Thousands of them have launched what they so often refer to as healing journeys.

The Commission heard from proud people, people who asserted they were survivors. They had survived mental abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and spiritual abuse. They were still standing. Many have reclaimed their culture, are relearning language, and are practising traditional spirituality. In other cases, they have remained Christians, while infusing their beliefs with a renewed sense of Aboriginal spirituality.

People who were not able to show their children love spoke of finding a way to love their grandchildren, and to make amends with their grandchildren.

It is clear from the presentations that the people who have been damaged by the residential schools—the former students and their families—have been left to heal themselves. It is also the former students who have led the way to reconciliation, and they continue to lead the way. By regaining their voice, they have instigated an important national conversation. All Canadians need to engage in this work.

People also came with requests.


 * They want justice. People spoke about the difficulties they have experienced in claiming compensation under the Settlement Agreement. They spoke of how missing school records prevent them from being compensated. They spoke countless times of schools and residences that they believe should be included in the Settlement Agreement. They also said that, in addition to missing records, school-imposed variations in their names or spellings of their names have prevented them from being compensated for all their years at school.
 * They want support for the work they have begun in healing. For too long, communities were left to shoulder this burden on their own. In many of the remote communities that are home to former students, health services of any kind are scarce, and there are virtually no mental health services available.