Page:Swedenborg, Harbinger of the New Age of the Christian Church.djvu/169

 amid fear and trembling. But I have for my motto, 'God's will be done; I am Thine and not mine;' as therefore I have given myself from myself to the Lord, He may dispose of me after His own pleasure. In the body there seemed to be something of discontent, but in the spirit joy; for the grace of our Lord does this. May God strengthen me therein!

"I was continually in a state of combat between thoughts which were antagonistic to one another. I pray Thee, O Almighty God, that Thou wouldst grant me the grace of being Thine and not mine. Pardon my saying that I am Thine and not mine; it is God's privilege and not mine to say so. I pray for the grace of being Thine, and of not being left to myself.

"April 18 and 19. . . . I was at Divine service, where I noticed that thoughts on matters of faith, respecting Christ, His merit, and the like, even though they be entirely favorable and confirmatory, still cause a certain disquietude, and give rise to opposing thoughts which cannot be resisted, whenever man tries to believe from his own understanding, and not from the Lord's grace. At last it was granted me by the grace of the