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why doesn’t he go back to the West Indies? I always get a terrible feeling after he’s been back a while that he’s waiting for Sam to die! or go insane!

[Thinking—with an apathetic bitterness]

What is she thinking? we sit together in silence, thinking thoughts that never know the other’s thoughts  our love has become the intimate thinking together of thoughts that are strangers  our love! well, whatever it is that has bound us together, it’s strong! I’ve broken with her, run away, tried to forget her running away to come back each time more abject! or, if she saw there was some chance I might break loose, she’d find some way to call me back and I’d forget my longing for freedom, I’d come wagging my tail  no, guinea pigs have no tails  I hope my experiment has proved something! Sam happy and wealthy  and healthy! I used to hope he’d break down I’d watch him and read symptoms of insanity into every move he made  despicable? certainly, but love makes one either noble or despicable! he only grew healthier now I’ve given up watching him  almost entirely  now I watch him grow fat and I laugh! the huge joke has dawned on me! Sam is the only normal one! we lunatics! Nina and I! have made a sane life for him out of our madness!

[Watching —sadly]

Always thinking of her son well, I gave him to her  Gordon  I hate that name  why do I continue hanging around here? each time after a few months my love changes to bitterness I blame Nina for the mess I’ve made of life