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but I’ve only myself to blame why in the devil did I ever suggest it to her? because I hoped my helping her while Sam was in the city would bring us alone together? but I made the suggestion before she had that abortion performed! how do you know she did? because I know! there are psychic affinities her body confessed  and since then, I’ve felt an aversion  as if she were a criminal  she is! how could she? why? I thought she wanted a child but evidently I don’t know her  I suppose, afraid it would spoil her figure  her flesh  her power to enslave men’s senses  mine  and I had hoped  looked forward to her becoming a mother  for my peace of mind.

[Catching himself—violently]

Shut up! what a base creature I’m becoming! to have such thoughts when Mother is sick and I ought to be thinking only of her! and it’s none of my damn business, anyway!

[Glaring at resentfully as if he were to blame]

Look at him! he’ll never suspect anything! what a simple-simon! he adored Gordon as a newsboy does a champion pugilist! and Nina writes of Gordon as if he had been a demi-god! when actually he came from the commonest people!

[He suddenly speaks to with a really savage satisfaction]

Did I tell you I once looked up Gordon’s family in Beachampton? A truly deplorable lot! When I remembered Gordon and looked at his father I had either to suspect a lover in the wood pile or to believe in an Immaculate Conception that is, until I saw his mother! Then a stork became the only conceivable explanation!