Page:Strange Interlude (1928).djvu/120

114 [Gropingly]

There must be a way—somehow. I remember when I was carrying Sam, sometimes I’d forget I was a wife, I’d only remember the child in me. And then I used to wish I’d gone out deliberate in our first year, without my husband knowing, and picked a man, a healthy male to breed by, same’s we do with stock, to give the man I loved a healthy child. And if I didn’t love that other man nor him me where would be the harm? Then God would whisper: “It’d be a sin, adultery, the worst sin!” But after He’d gone I’d argue back again to myself, then we’d have a healthy child, I needn’t be afraid! And maybe my husband would feel without ever knowing how he felt it, that I wasn’t afraid and that child wasn’t cursed and so he needn’t fear and I could save him.

[Then scornfully]

But I was too afraid of God then to have ever done it!

[Then very simply]

He loved children so, my poor husband did, and the way they took to him, you never saw anything like it, he was a natural born father. And Sammy’s the same.

[As from a distance—strangely]

Yes, Sammy’s the same. But I’m not the same as you.

[Defiantly]

I don’t believe in God the Father!

[Strangely]

Then it’d be easy for you.

[With a grim smile]