Page:Srikanta (Part 1).djvu/144

Srikanta Strangely enough, my helpless loneliness in that awe-inspiring place brought me no feeling of terror but the overpowering realisation of joy in the mystic beauty of the dark universe. I felt that I had never before seen so much beauty in the formless gloom that filled all space. Perhaps, then, Death too was not horrid or ugly because of his darkness. When he came one day, perhaps I should discover him as beautiful and as profound as the night. 'And if,' I thought, 'to-night is destined to be the time of our meeting together, face to face, then, O dark immensity! O sounding footsteps leading me onward! O thou infinite beauty wiping away all my sorrow and fear and pain by thy magic touch! fill all my body and soul with primeval nescience, and when I have greeted Death with a heart purged of all fear at this gateway of his temple, so dark, austere, and solemn, let me follow him with triumphal gladness to the end.' And then I thought suddenly, 'Why did I not obey the silent call of my guide? Why am I sitting here like a wretched outcaste? Why should I not go on?'

I went down and sat in the very centre of the vast cremation-grounds. I cannot say now how long I was there, but I sat still, as in a trance, half-unconscious. When I came back to my normal self I found that the darkness had thinned out, and that a part of the sky close to where the morning star glowed and glimmered was suffused with pale light. I heard faint sounds as of low voices in conversation. Looking in their direction I saw what seemed to be a small party of people coming towards me along the embankment. They were still at some distance and were half-concealed by a large silk-cotton tree. They were carrying two or three lanterns which swung to and fro with their movements. Climbing the