Page:Spiritual exercise of soul, and blessed departure of Dame Mary Rutherford Lady Hundaly, and Mary M'Konnel, cousin to the said lady; which fell out in the year 1640; both died in London.pdf/14

 performed not these Duties as he should, shall not be accepted. I believe ye will not find it in all the Scriptures; it is only one of your own Heart's false Devices, and a Suggestion of treacherous Satan; believe it not, but ask Pardon of God for such a Thought, and pray him to give you Sincerity of Desire, tho' ye get it not in that Measure ye should have it. Said She, I cannot ask Pardon earnestly and heartily, nor can I pray in Life and Power. What shall I do then? Said I, Madam, I heard your Ladyship say, that ye desired Christ more than Heaven and Salvation itself, and I hope, ere long, to hear you say the same. Tell me truly, had you not rather have your Sin pardoned, and your Soul saved, nor to have your Life prolonged at this Time, and great Riches, and all the World's Contentments? Said she, That is nothing; who would not rather have the first rather than the last? Said I, Worldlings as the Gadarens, had rather have their Swine kept alive, than Christ among them, they had rather want Christ than part with a little of their Riches or Pleasure, and therefore they who desire the contrary desire sincerely.

But (said she) I want the last part of Repentance, the Perfection of all its other Parts. I do not amend, but do still slip into the same Sins, and cannot leave them. Said I, What be these Sins ye cannot leave, Adultery, or Murder, or Blasphemy? &c. No; (said she) I may go to Hell, and be free of all these: but I find Dulness, Deadness, Coldness in Prayer, Distraction, Forgetfulness, and Wandring of Heart in Hearing, unruly Passion, and a number of such Evils breaking out in me. Said I, Does not the Lord lovingly pass by such Weaknesses in his own Children? He remembers we are but Dust, and therefore, as a Father pitieth his Children, so he pities them that fear him, Psal. cii. 13, 14. If this were a good Argument to prove that a Man's Sins are not pardoned; because he finds his Corruptions bullering up in him, then none in the World should have their Sins pardoned; for ye cannot find me one Man in the World, who is not either complaining of his Corruption, or, at least, who hath not Cause to complain, The best are