Page:Sorrow-dispenser, or, Humpy Funnydoss' bundle of mirth (1).pdf/7



THE S0RR0W-DISPENSER. 7

and it was burned.' 'That was a great loss, indeed,’ said his friend. ‘Nay, not so great a loss neither, for my wife was burned in it.’ Why are cowardly soldiers like butter? —- When exposed to a fire they run. A wit being once very low in pocket, and meeting with a lord, who was walking, thought to wheedle him out of a broad piece, and, coming up to him, said, ‘My lord, I had a strange dream last night, and now half of it is out; for I dreamed that I met you here, and that you gave me a broad piece' 'Well,’ said his lordship, ‘I will make out the other part,’ and so gave it him. ‘But stay, now I think on it, give me that, for it is a piece my mistress gave me to keep for herself.’ Scroggin readily returned it in hopes of a better gratuity. ‘Now,’ said my lord, ‘I’ll tell you my dream, that it may be out likewise. I dreamed that I gave a fool money, and he had not wit enough to keep it;' and so passed on, leaving Scroggin to scratch his ears, and fretting to be so outwitted. The Weight of Light.-—An old lady, remarkable for the confused idea of the meaning on words, described a clear summer evening thus:-—‘ It was a beautiful bright night; the moon made everything as light as a cork!’ ‘Boy, what is your name?’ ‘Robert, sir.’ ‘Yes, that is your Christian name; but what is your other name?’ ‘Bob, sir.’ A few evenings ago, Mr-, a magistrate at one of the police-offices, hired a cab for the purpose of journeying a few miles out of town. ‘How much is the fare?’ said his worship. ‘Vy,’ said the cabman, ‘as I’ve seed you afore, I shan't charge no more nor a crown.’ ‘That’s too much,