Page:Sorrow-dispenser, or, Humpy Funnydoss' bundle of mirth (1).pdf/5



THE SORROW-DISPENSER              5

A gentleman, waiting in the ante-chamber at the Exeter Concert-Room, inquired of the attendant what was the nature of the performances, adding, that he supposed they were miscellaneous; to which the other immediately replied, 'No, sir, I don't think she is here; but there's Miss Holdaway and Miss George, and several other excellent singers.' 'Jim, how does the thermometer stand today? 'stands on the mantel-piece, right agin the plasterin'?: Teddy Maguire was a witness in a case as to the quality of oatmeal. Counsel wished to make it appear that when bad oats were brought to the mill for sale they were refused by the buyer. 'Did you ever see Mr Murdock return oats?" said Atherton. 'Yes,yer honour.' On what ground did he refuse them? 'In the back yard! said Teddy.  'A sweet return, exclaimed the husband, when his wife threw the sugar basin at him.  Why is a drunkard hesitating to sign the pledge like a sceptical Hindoo? Because he is in doubt whether to give up the worship of the jug-or-not.  Dr Samuel Johnson, when travelling in Inverness-shire with Boswell, addressed a man at work in a peat-moss: How far are we from Fort-William, friend? I think we have been deviating the last half hour. 'Like eneugh,' (replied the man,) 'but I've been divoting here sin six o'clock this morning.'  A Witty Bill-Sticker.--On a gate in the neighbourhood of Horton, the broadsides have been so judiciously arranged by the bill-sticker, that the heads read in the following order:--Bucks. Mr Stephenson will shortly sell by auction, in