Page:Sorrow-dispenser, or, Humpy Funnydoss' bundle of mirth (1).pdf/14

 14          THE SORROW-DISPERSER.

An Irish colonel of a volunteer corps, who had long been a confirmed bachelor, excited much pleasantry by haranguing his men, Gentlemen, we are all assembled this day to defend our wives and our children.' An arch boy having taken notice of his schoolmaster's often reading a chapter in the Corinthians, wherein is this sentence, 'We shall all be changed in the twinkling of an eye,' privately erased the letter C in the word changed. The next time, his master thus read it, 'We shall all be hanged in the twinkling of an eye.' A lady, some time back, at the British Museum, asked if they had a skull of Oliver Cromwell. Being answered in the negative, 'Dear me,' said she, 'that's very strange, for they have one at Oxford.' An Irish doctor advertises, that the deaf may hear of him at a house in Liffey Street, where his blind patients may see him from 10 till 3. 'Are you looking for any one in particular,' as the rat said to the cat when she was peeping down his hole. -In Warrington, a professional gentleman, named Badley, has a sign-board which exhibits his name and calling in the following terms:- BONES BADLEY SET. No Gentleman.-- You mustn't smoke here, sir,' said a captain of a north river steam-boat to a man who was smoking among the ladies on the quarter-deck. 'Mustn't--Eh!-why not? replied he, opening his capacious mouth and allowing the smoke lazily to escape. 'Didn't you see the sign--'All gentlemen are requested not to smoke abaft the engine!'