Page:Sorrow-dispenser, or, Humpy Funnydoss' bundle of mirth (1).pdf/12

 12             THE SORROW-DISPERSER.

Chaps.--A pretty girl was lately complaining to a friend that she had a cold, and was sadly plagued in her lips by chaps (cracks or clefts.) 'Friend,' said Obadiah, 'thee should never suffer the chaps to come near thy lips.' Which is unquestionably the most numerous profession? D'ye give it up? Why, dyers-- for all mankind die. A Cheshire farmer was lately asked by the minister how it was that, when he preached, the farmer always fell asleep, but when a stranger preached, he was all attention. The farmer replied, Why, sir, when ye preaches, I know aw's right; but when a stranger comes, I eanna trust him, and so I keeps a good look-out.' A young man of the name of Neck was recently married to a Miss Heels; they are now, therefore, tied Neck and Heels together. A lecturer at one of the chemieal sehools attached to the University of Dublin asked one of the students if he could plate steel. 'No,' replied the witty collegian, 'but I could steal plate. A gentleman, who had an Irish servant, having stopped at an inn several days, previous to his departure, desired to have a bill, whiieh being brought him, he found a large quantity of port placed to his servant's account, and questioned him about having so many bottles of wine. Please, your honour, (eried. Pat,) read how many they eharge to my account. The gentleman began, One bottle port, one ditto one ditto, one ditto.'—- Stop, stop, (eried Pat, they are cheating you; I know I had some of their port, but I did not taste a drop of their ditto.'