Page:Sons and Lovers, 1913, Lawrence.djvu/406

394 so quaint. The whole party laughed till they cried, trying to subdue the sound. And Mrs. Morel, lying alone in the darkness, heard them, and among her bitterness was a feeling of relief.

Then Paul would go upstairs gingerly, guiltily, to see if she had heard.

“Shall I give you some milk?” he asked.

“A little,” she replied plaintively.

And he would put some water with it, so that it should not nourish her. Yet he loved her more than his own life.

She had morphia every night, and her heart got fitful. Annie slept beside her. Paul would go in in the early morning, when his sister got up. His mother was wasted and almost ashen in the morning with the morphia. Darker and darker grew her eyes, all pupil, with the torture. In the mornings the weariness and ache was too much to bear. Yet she could—not would—not weep, or even complain much.

“You slept a bit later this morning, little one,” he would say to her.

“Did I?” she answered, with fretful weariness.

“Yes; it’s nearly eight o’clock.”

He stood looking out of the window. The whole country was bleak and pallid under the snow. Then he felt her pulse. There was a strong stroke and a weak one, like a sound and its echo. That was supposed to betoken the end. She let him feel her wrist, knowing what he wanted.

Sometimes they looked in each other’s eyes. Then they almost seemed to make an agreement. It was almost as if he were agreeing to die also. But she did not consent to die; she would not. Her body was wasted to a fragment of ash. Her eyes were dark and full of torture.

“Can’t you give her something to put an end to it?” he asked the doctor at last.

But the doctor shook his head.

“She can’t last many days now, Mr. Morel,” he said.

Paul went indoors.

“I can’t bear it much longer; we shall all go mad,” said Annie.

The two sat down to breakfast.

“Go and sit with her while we have breakfast, Minnie,” said Annie. But the girl was frightened.

Paul went through the country, through the woods, over the snow. He saw the marks of rabbits and birds in the white snow. He wandered miles and miles. A smoky red sunset came on slowly, painfully, lingering. He thought she would die that day. There was a donkey that came up to him over